Square Dance Etiquette Question

[bjarvis]

A relatively new square dancer asked me the following question tonight:
How do you politely deal with someone who wishes to be your dance partner but makes you exceedingly uncomfortable?

I suggested pre-emptively ensuring you have a partner already arranged for the upcoming tip but this ducks the issue rather than dealing with it. Likewise choosing to sit out a tip rather than dance with the objectionable party is inadequate: one shouldn't have to sacrifice one's own participation in an event just because of one individual.

Thoughts?

Comments

[ebearboston.livejournal.com]

Here here! This was one of the great things about dance cards. But I think, even back in the day, a lady was still free to dance the next dance with whomever asked her. If a troll asked her if she cared to Waltz she could politely decline (This is what I mean about not being required to give a reason, the polite response is, "Oh, thank you, but I think I'm going to sit this one out"), but she was still free to Gavotte if that was the next dance played, and an acceptable partner presented himself.

The same is true now at a 2-step, English, Contra, and I assume Square.

But Brian is right, there are toxic dancers. And such people rarely take the clue that an entire square would rather sit out than dance with him or her. So what can one do? I don't know. I chose to follow the rules set before me, even if they seem antiquated.

So, I have danced with some horible dancers. There's one in particular who does most of the same forms I do. As a 2-stepper he has lousy frame, forgets his foot-work, follows poorly and leads slopily. As an English and Contra dancer he also has lousy frame and can't seem to remember a pattern even when we've been dancing the figure for 5 minutes. He's also awkward socially, monopolizing conversations or intruding upon them unwelcomely. I have said no to him and found myself sitting out some lovely dances. On the other hand, I have said yes for the sake of a set, or because it was a particularly favourite song or dance, and had the experience nearly spoiled.

Rules of ettiquette for polite society exist so that no-ones feelings are hurt. This includes the toxic dancers.

[bjarvis.livejournal.com]

"Toxic dancers"... I like that. :-)

Typically, I have sat out sets rather than dance with an objectionable person, but then again, I've never been continuously pursued more than a couple of times. Either my would-be admirer got the hint or I'm not worth pursuing but either way, the situation was saved.

The person who posed the original question to me may have a lower threshold for toxicity, or may actually be a pursued by a true stalker. At his particular dance level (intro), his opportunities to dance are somewhat limited so sitting out more than two or three sets means losing the whole night. Recruitment is tough enough: I'd rather not lose a new person so quickly.