bjarvis: (Default)
I've recently come to a conclusion which is worrying both Kent & Michael in a fun way: I could theoretically retire right now.

It would be a thin retirement with little free cash, but it is possible. The easiest path would be to buy Mom's farm and move to Ontario: within months, I'd be eligible for the provincial health plan so my only major expenses would be property taxes, utilities & food, stretching my cash reserves much further than they would in the US. Naturally, the guys are not enthused about living in northern Ontario, and frankly, I'm on that keen on it either. But the idea of retirement has suddenly become very, very real instead of some abstract possibility decades away.

In any case, I'm still planning to keep working until I'm 60 in 2027, which is only six years away. Then things get serious.

Michael goes on Medicare this August as he turns 65, so he'll be off my work-related medical insurance. That's a slight disposable cash bump, and one less worry if I change jobs or leave employment entirely. In a year, he can claim his own Social Security at full value (he's receiving discounted funds from his late wife's account currently).

Kent just turned 60. When I retire, he could take Social Security at a discount, or hold on for just a while longer to get the full benefit at 67. I'd really like him to wait until 67, but he's had enough of working for a living since he was 30 so he may not wait.

In the interim, I'm still working to reduce our recurring living expenses, stuff as much money as I can into retirement accounts, and generally ensure we're ready when the time comes. 2,371 day left.
bjarvis: (Default)
Well, 2020 couldn't end soon enough for my liking, but despite that, I'm a bit surprised that it's 2021 now. More truthfully, I can accept that it is 2021, but I'm having difficulty wrapping my head around the fact that it is now January. It feels like it should be some other month. Odd.

So far, all of us have avoided covid-19. The county went into lockdown again in December, so there's no dining-in at our restaurants and schools have gone back to remote exclusively. I'm a bit surprised that gyms are still open, but they are now capped at 25% occupancy. Vaccines are being distributed but it's still just groups 1a and 1b: front-line medical workers and the residents of long-term care facilities. I'm not expecting a shot at a shot until late spring at best.

I was awarded my black belt in karate in mid-December. Like other belts I've earned since the dojo closed in March, I consider it to be provisional since we haven't been able to meet in person to do sparring, teaching of juniors, etc.. I plan to re-test when we finally get to practice together in one space once again.

Our ten-day Amsterdam to Bern river cruise last August was scrapped because of covid-19. However, Viking River Cruises offered us a 20% bonus credit if we rolled over to a 14-day Amsterdam-to-Budapest cruise in 2021, so we took them up on it. If we can't go because Europe is still closed to American tourists, or if we haven't been vaccinated by then, we can still get our money back, but I'm choosing to be optimistic.

Travel to Canada is still blocked. At this moment, I could enter Canada as a citizen, but I'd need a negative covid test within 72 hours to be able to board the plane, and submit an extensive quarantine plan electronically before arriving. Once there, I'd be quarantined for two weeks. I have plans ready in case I need to make urgent trips to southern Ontario or northern Ontario, but I'm hoping we get clear of this damn plague before I need to test either one.

Work continues. Our company is cleaning up all of the various bonus programs and performance metrics into a single cohesive plan, and it's not a bad plan at all. My next pay (Jan 8) will pay the last of the three year signing bonuses from our purchase by Enterprise Holdings Inc.; under the new plan, I'll be eligible for up to 20% of my base salary in annual bonuses. In the next month, all staff should receive a comprehensive benefits statement, including any pay adjustments due to title changes, adjustments to responsibilities, or to keep pace with industry averages. I have no idea what if any raise I might get, but the bonus is nothing to sneeze at, even if it's only half of what my last installment from the old plan will be.

Speaking of work, I've been on vacation these past two weeks. With Christmas and New Year's on Fridays, and with the regular company holidays, it only cost me seven vacation days. There is currently one more full day off before work resumes on Monday, and I'm savouring every hour.

I wish I had more to report about the plague year of 2020, but covid made it pretty boring. No square dancing, no travels, no skating, no visits, no bar nights, no day trips, no weekends away (except to the trailer where we'd self-isolate anyway), etc.. I have no idea if square dancing will bounce back, or in what form. I just want to be able to return to Canada again to see family.
bjarvis: (Default)
I had a few mysterious email broadcast messages this past week which left me scratching my head, and then exploded into all-out drama.

Only a week ago, I tested for a senior-level brown belt successfully. There was a general broadcast message that our dojo was looking for larger space, something which can accommodate a class while respecting social distancing. I also got an email indicating they were doing away with monthly credit card subscriptions in favour of monthly Paypal invoicing.

A few days ago, I got an email from my instructor that indicated he had some sort of disagreement with Victory Karate, our dojo, with a side mention of litigation. I couldn't make out the issue: it felt like I was reading one side of an email conversation, comments being made in response to questions I couldn't see. In a subsequent email, he also mentioned that individuals may have to do leverage the state consumer agency to force Victory Karate to stop monthly credit card billings. Huh?

On Tuesday, I got a Paypal invoice for the month. It was not from Victory Karate, but Karate Class Online.

I couldn't attend a class on Monday because of work commitments, but I did a zoom-based class per usual on Tuesday. For the first time in three years, Mr A was notably not wearing a Victory Karate t-shirt or gi, and it was glaring in its absence.

Today, I'm finally getting the pieces together thanks to email discussions among the other students & parents of students: there's some sort of break between my instructor and Victory Karate. It appears that the old dojo is still offering a couple of zoom-based classes in the evenings of Monday-Thursday with the junior instructor. My instructor meanwhile is doing his own full schedule of classes, 3:40 to 8pm, Mon-Fri with Saturday morning sessions, just as before.

I get this is a business issue and I shouldn't be personally invested in the drama of it all, but I do know all of the actors in this particular play, and I have an involuntary ringside seat to watch the end of friendships. I suppose part of my discomfort is also that it's so sudden and unexpected: I had no idea there was any sort of tension in play. It's a bit distressing.

I suppose as time rolls on, I'll get used to whatever this new situation is. Even if I'm double-billed this month by competing sides, I'm going to not make any decisions or dramatic moves, hoping that a clearer direction will be visible in the fullness of time. I suspect enough people are already making questionable decisions based on strong emotions, so mine don't need to be added to the mix.

It's all very sad and upsetting though.
bjarvis: (Default)
I just realized I haven't written anything here since April. Time flies when a global pandemic is raging.

Short version: We're healthy and doing well, no big issues. Life rolls on.

Now for the detailed version...

Work continues for both me and Kent. Michael's travel business has cratered, as you'd expect with international travel down to a trickle, and global tourism almost non-existent. We're all working from home still with no significant issues or problems.

Square dancing is still also non-existent. Yeah, there's virtual dancing and a lot of 1-couple or 2-couple calling, but it lacks a significant social component and I find it generally unsatisfying. Michael has gone into yoga as an exercise alternative, and I still have my karate (now senior brown belt as of last week).

Kent bought a treadmill a few weeks ago and is doing extended walks on it so he can get some exercise without being exposed to humans, nature or the universe in general.

I started going back to the gym in early August, once the state allowed them to reopen with restrictions. I'm delighted that my crowd there has been 100% compliant with wearing masks, wiping down equipment, keeping spacing, etc.: I've heard horror stories about other gyms where the rules have been utterly ignored. I have noticed that a lot of people have given up on the gym entirely and are no longer regulars: I do wonder what this means for the business viability of the place, although it's nice not having to wait for equipment.

Edwin (three years old next week!) is back in full-day daycare as of late August, although there was a brief scare when another kid's parent was discovered to be an asymptomatic covid carrier. The daycare was closed for two weeks and Edwin & his family were all tested, and were all discovered to be negative. There will inevitably be more scares like that in future though.

Elodie had her fifth birthday at our place in June. She began virtual kindergarten classes this week, but I haven't heard how that works or how her parents are adapting to this. More soon, I hope.

It was announced yesterday that Maryland will be edging into stage 3 re-opening Friday. All manufacturing can re-open, malls & retail can re-open to 75% regular capacity, salons & barbershops can open to 50% capacity with appointments, indoor rec facilities can open to 50% capacity, and theaters can re-open to the lesser of 50% capacity or 100 people. My county is currently reviewing the stats to see which components they may implement, if any.

The biggest inconvenience for me is that I'm still effectively locked out of Canada. As a citizen, I can return but there is a two week quarantine period on re-entry, and a full quarantine plan must be presented upon arrival describing where you'd be staying, how you'd be getting food & care, etc.. I do have a plan ready in case I need to make a dash to see Grandma in southern Ontario, but there are extra logistical issues if I had to go to northern Ontario. And since my preferred airline, Porter Air, is not flying currently, I'd have to fly to Buffalo, then drive a rental car across the border. Let's hope that there's no reason to rush back to Canada for a while.

Our respective extended families are doing pretty well too: no illnesses or major changes. We've all been pretty lucky.

So we're chugging along, doing ok and generally going about our regular business. I don't see any major disruption to this routine through the rest of this calendar year.
bjarvis: (Default)
The pandemic has shown a lot of things we were told were utter bullshit.

Our Internet and cell phone providers all claimed bandwidth was such a limited resource that they had no choice but to throttle usage. Now the limits are lifted as a public service goodwill gesture.

We were told remote telework was impossible: people can't be trusted to work unless they're constantly supervised. High tech folks already knew that was bullshit, but now traditional industries & services are finding it's not as impossible as they thought. And a lot of workers have gotten a taste of it for the first time and aren't likely to give it up easily. Managers who refuse to permit any kind of remote work are dinosaurs.

Teaching can't possibly be done remotely. Oops, we've now demonstrated much of it can. Not all, to be sure, and there are some age groups which are easier than others, but departments which flatly refused to consider it last year are now embracing it.

Now I'm thinking about future years...

Does anyone still think that Internet access is not an essential utility, like electricity or running water?

If we're going to be keeping our distance from other workers, elevators are going to be problematic. Tall, dense office buildings are going to be a challenge, but smaller buildings with escalators & stairs have a built-in health advantage.

Businesses which embrace remote work won't need large centralized office space. Even if they retain an office for respectability, they wouldn't need a dedicated desk for every employee. This has already been a trend in some fields, but it might now explode into a much larger scale.

If larger numbers are working remotely, do we need the proposed expansions to the beltway and I270 corridor near us? Currently both are flowing at a fraction of their pre-covid levels. Ending the lockdown will bring the load back up again, but if we keep telecommuting at scale, do we need the extra lanes?

We've had a lot of shortages in selected items recently. A large part was hoarding, but a large part was also imbalanced production: producers were supplying a particular mix of office vs domestic versions of their stuff, but needed time to change the ratio when the world changed. We're now rebalancing, but it may need to change quickly again.

Brick-and-mortar stores were already in trouble, but it's even harder now.

Restaurants are problematic. If there are fewer people congregating in large numbers, large (and expensive) dining rooms are no longer cost-effective, esp if there are much smaller lunchtime crowds in concentrated downtown areas thanks to increased remote work. We've always had small take-away shops and food trucks, but we may see more gourmet options as upscale restaurants scale back in-house dining in favour of take-away.

And then there's over-capacity in car manufacturing, as well as used car lots. And insurance will have to change dramatically if there are fewer cars driving vastly fewer miles: work commuting is the bulk of the miles most people put on their vehicles.

Elementary schools are probably still a good thing: the young have a difficulty enough time with focus, and lordy, teaching is hard work which needs trained professionals. But college & university campuses may want to re-think some of their capital budget items: do they need more residences and class rooms if the students are remote?

What will a remote student body do to sports recruiting? I can't wait to find out.

Shopping malls were in decline in so many areas around the country. They're now dead in a ditch in those areas. It will be interesting to see if they can rebound.

Rental car agencies, travel agencies, hotels, Lyft, Uber, Air BnB, and airlines are all in deep trouble. And I'm ok with nearly all of them going belly-up. Dinosaurs have to die off so something new can take their place, and we have huge over-capacity with a concentration of ownership in the hands of bad business managers.

Large stadium events are going to be pandemic hotspots: there is no way to social-distance in such an environment. Professional sports might still make a go of it, since their big dollars come from the television rights & merchandise rather than ticket sales. But when these big, heavily gov't subsidized structures need to be upgraded or replaced, it's going to be a tough sell to get limited public dollars for yet another massive subsidy/bailout.

I'll add more as I think of them, but I think it is beyond doubt that the future is going to look very different soon.
bjarvis: (Default)
Actually, things are pretty good!

Things still suck on so many levels: unemployment is hard to even measure, the economy is tanking in ways I've never seen before, and US deaths have topped 50,000 with no obvious end in sight. But as ugly as it all is, my attitude is vastly better than it was couple of weeks ago.

My job is still secure, as is Kent's. Michael's travel business is non-existent but that's not for lack of effort on his part. We've fallen into some stable & workable routines, and while I'd like better lighting in my basement bunker, it's all working pretty well.

We're all healthy, as is our extended family: we've heard of friends of friends down with covid-19, but no first or second degree connections.

Some supply shortages have been corrected, others haven't but don't affect us too much. At least the bare shelves aren't getting more bare: the shortages haven't spread into other products or stores. And the seniors' shopping hours are kinda fun if you can bear getting out of bed at such an early hour.

We miss going out to eat, but we've figured out which of our regular restaurants are open, and can handle the new curb-side pick-up procedures, among other variances. Tipping huge, needless to say, trying to help out the tipped wait staff as much as possible.

Zoom-based karate sessions haven't been too bad. It's nothing like being in an actual dojo with a proper non-cement floor and real people, but I'm able to keep a bottle of water nearby and make recordings so I can review new sequences in slow motion later. Michael's zoom-based yoga seems to be satisfactory as well. It's better than nothing.

The closed library system is a pain, but I've had a steady stream of books on my Kindle. I'd be happier if many of the books I wanted weren't already lent out, but I have several on hold and should be able to get them soon-ish.

I'm missing some of the square dance stuff, but not too badly. I like having many of my evenings back, and the lack of extra event coordination & overhead is nice.

I miss the gym. A Lot.

Mostly though, I miss travel beyond our immediate neighbourhood, especially the trailer at Roseland. Knowing that I can't fly to San Francisco for work, or to Canada for family is a fairly severe limitation.

But despite it all, we've largely acclimatized to this lower standard of living. Nationally, I think we've largely hit the floor after a long & seemingly endless plummet, so the bulk of the uncertainty has passed. Now we need to continue the distancing, keep large gathering places closed, and get a vaccine. None of these will happen quickly, but we can tough this out.
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I got home from Canada on March 9, just as closures & lockdowns in the US were starting to take full effect. Michael arrived home from Ireland a week later, on March 16; he was three days early on his return, but international flight restrictions were being instituted and we wanted him home before every airline was grounded.

And since then? Well, nothing much to report.

I've been working from home as part of my general practice of the past 11 years. The San Francisco main office has been evacuated so everyone is now working from home, whether they want to or not. Business travel, our core business, is 20% of what it was this time last year so while our parent company Enterprise has told us to continue with our original product line & releases, hiring has been frozen. I did get a $10k raise just this past week, and my position is secure. Even if they did lay me off, they'd still be contractually obligated to give me a pile of severance, unpaid vacation time, and a large bonus already scheduled for next February.

Kent's office has gone to work-from-home as a matter of policy, replacing their grudgingly-permitting-it-only-once-per-week. They have done some staff reductions, but Kent's position was spared.

Michael's travel business has all but evaporated at this point: his Milan trip for the international LGBT travel agent convention is cancelled. We are still planning to go to Amsterdam in August, pandemic permitting.

Nearly all of our square dance gigs --dancing, calling & running events-- are cancelled indefinitely. The only thing left in the next several months is the IAGSDC convention in Denver in early July. Hopefully, the worst of this will be over by then.

Karate has also closed, but we started doing online sessions last night. It's been a huge comfort to see the gang together again, even if just virtually.

Weightlifting at the gym is my preferred method of de-stressing, but that hasn't been an option for two weeks now. Last week, I was checking websites to see if there was a gym ban in neighbouring states, but yup, there was.

I had hoped we could go to the trailer this coming weekend at Roseland, West Virginia. We haven't de-winterized yet: everything is still stored in our basement. Alas, yesterday, the shelter-at-home order was given for West Virginia, essentially closing the campground and restricting movement, so our trailer plans are dead.

Virginia and DC school systems have both announced their academic years are toast: the schools will not re-open before June. I expect our county at least in Maryland to do the same shortly. Most of our square dance clubs follow the school boards' open/closed policies, so we've lost our venues for a while longer. Ditto my karate dojo.

Back in Canada, things aren't much better: nearly every province has a shelter-at-home order, or nearly so. None of my family are sick: even Mom and Grandma are doing fine, just frustrated by being housebound. My brother and his wife were about to move from Nova Scotia to Ontario; while the sale & purchase of homes has closed, I don't know if they've found a moving company still available to actually do the move yet.

So far though, this has just been a major annoyance, not a crisis for us. The local grocery stores are still open and while there are shortages on some shelves, we're doing OK with things we can buy and the supplies we already have in stock. We had no pending medical appointments to cancel, and our prescriptions were already stocked. While our dentist's office is closed for elective stuff, they were open to finish outstanding dental projects, such as the final filling cap on my root canal of Feb 5, and the replacement crown installation for Kent this morning.

So I'm still working from the basement computer bunker, stess-eating a lot, going for four mile walks when weather permits, and reading more than I have in years. We'll get through this mess somehow.
bjarvis: (Default)
February was such a nightmare but it is wrapping up well.

I had a root canal, my first ever, on Feb 6. While the procedure itself wasn't too complicated and not at all uncomfortable, there were some issues for the rest of that week, including general aches & soreness and infection. Neither complications were unexpected --I had been given the literature and a prescription for amoxycillin at the endodontist's office-- but it wasn't pleasant.

And the following day, I was whisked off to the Advanced & Challenge square dance event in DC that DC Lambda Squares hosts every year. Sadly, this is the last: the old team is burnt out, and there aren't any obvious folks stepping forward to run the show. And it has typically lost $1-2k per year, so the club is deciding to cut its losses.

I danced as much as I could while feeling somewhat off, but I spent most of Saturday in the hotel room: I was too sick to do much, felt utterly exhausted, and the ache in my jaw & sensitivity in the root canal tooth made eating unbearable. Most of that weekend is simply a blur.

Mercifully, that Presidents' Day Monday was a company holiday so I could catch up on sleep.

I was supposed to have a karate belt test the following week, but knowing I would be travelling to California for business, I had made arrangements for my test to be the upcoming Thursday. But in my exhausted & severely weakened state, I knew I couldn't do it: I could barely summon the energy to walk to the dojo.

Still, I went on Wednesday and Thursday, driving rather than walking, just so I could keep abreast of any tips or suggestions for my eventual test, and to reinforce the habit of attending.

At the Thursday class, I apologized to Sensei that I wasn't physically able to test that night as we had previously agreed. He said that it wasn't a problem, he knew I had everything down cold, and we could do a full test when I got back from Canada in early March. And with that, we began the regular beginner class.

He had the white belts rehearse their kata, and had me work mine, we did some kick and punching drills which we would be performing for our tests, and so on. For my belt test, I'd have to perform eight kata; this night, I could do all eight but I needed a couple minutes of rest between each to get my energy back.

The white belts were going to be doing side kicks for their formal board-breaking ceremony as part of the belt graduation. My cohort would be doing flying side-kicks: run at the target, leap in the air, rotate the hips and pull back the knee of the kicking leg towards the gut, then extend the leg cleanly forward with a burst of energy, striking the target point with the blade/heel of the foot. Oh, then land with at least some dignity on the other foot.

The drills were exhausting: I wasn't so much running as briskly walking. Still, it was a new move for me, and a pretty damn exciting one at that. It's a freaking flying side kick... how cool is that?!

Finally, as we were about to end the class, he pulled over two white belts. Each was to hold firmly one side of the board, a hand on each corner, keeping the board facing out at chest level. And I was ordered to break the board with the newly learned flying side kick.

If I had more energy, I could have delivered that at head level, but chest level was fine: I hit it squarely and broke the board on the first try. The white belts were suitably relieved.

And Sensei handed me my brown belt: I had passed the test, perhaps not with the best energy, but I did the work. Being tested without knowing I was being tested was actually a great kindness: I was able to focus on doing well what I could do, rather than trying to do everything to perfection and berating myself for not being at 100%.

I was also shocked how relieved I was when this was all done. I had been carrying a huge amount of stress about so many things coming up, as well as tasks delayed & accumulating. Finally, I had a major task which was done & finished, and I needed that particular victory to help me get through the coming storm.

I regret I didn't get photos or video of that board break, and the guys couldn't attend the graduation (because we didn't know it would be a graduation), but there will be others.

And with that done, I went home for too few hours of sleep before flying to San Francisco the following morning.
bjarvis: (Default)
2019 ended pretty well for me, at least healthwise.

Weightlifting continues, although I'm a bit frustrated by a lack of progress in my benchpress, among other things. Ongoing tennis elbow issues in my left arm has prevented a lot of progress, especially on my biceps. Still, I'm in better shape than I have been in years and have high hopes for 2020.

Karate also continues well. At the moment, I have a 3rd degree brown belt. This would be a intro to the advanced levels, and I still have a few steps up to black. My flexibility is much improved: when I started, I could barely front kick to waist level, but I can now easily front-kick up to head level. My side kick, not so much: there are limits to what a 50+ year old body can do if it hasn't been doing this since youth.

I was thrilled this morning to see that the belt test dates for the rest of 2020 have been posted: it's so much easier to schedule the rest of my year. Alas, the next round is scheduled in the last week of February during a must-attend week in San Francisco at the company headquarters for our audit. Figures. I'll check with Sensei if it is possible to test before or after the regular window, presuming I'm eligible at that time.

Kent had both knees replaced in 2019: July 27 and Nov 20. His recovery was pretty fast for each as he's not yet 60. The second did take a little longer because he was pushing too fast too early with a weekend trip to Cleveland prior to xmas, and a fall when we got home. Still, he just needs more walking to rebuild strength at this point.

Michael had a small scare in the fall. Following some routine stress testing, there was some arterial blocking discovered. After further scans, the doctors determined his body had manufactured enough collaterals to bypass the blockages on its own, and there is nothing they could do with surgery or stents which would improve on it, so they've decided to simply up his statin meds and continue monitoring. He's still walking miles on the gym treadmill and travelling, so there's no quality of life impact.

So in all, not a bad year. We hope for a good 2020.
bjarvis: (Default)
I've been feeling a bit down the past couple of day because of some family issues. Given a choice between venting here and eating my feelings/my body weight in ice cream, well, here we are. You're welcome.

Reports from family indicate my Mom's mental health is sliding dramatically. Memory loss, emotional instability, cognition impairment. We've reached the point where intervention is required.

Problem: Half of my siblings are simply staring at me, insisting that I do something. Why me, you ask? Why don't they do something themselves, you ask? Largely because they don't want to. They want something done, but they don't want to be bothered.

Problem: Mom doesn't think she has a problem. She knows something is off, but insists it is the universe with issues, not her. Her memory is perfect, it's the other 7 billion people with memory loss. Her thinking is clear, everyone else is messed up. Olympic gold medalist denial.

Problem: Mom lives on the farm alone since Dad died this time last year. The nearest relative is 250 miles away. The nearest town is 8 miles away. There is a nursing home in that town, so that's an option, but.... that implies either institutionalizing her near her friends & social connections, but away from family. Or bringing her closer to family, but ripped away from her social network & home of 50 years. Both options suck.

Problem: When/if she's declared incompetent, I have medical power-of-attorney, but I live in another country. Two other siblings have general power-of-attorney for all other matters --and one of them didn't know it until I sent him a PDF of the docs a few days ago. He's not happy.

Problem: None of us even know the name of her regular doctor or what meds she's supposed to be taking --when she remembers. How does one legally intervene? What are the ramifications? We have a lot of homework ahead of us.

Plan: I'm going to head to northern Ontario as soon as I can to spend a week with her. I trust the reports from family, but I also need to satisfy myself of the necessity of any intervention.

I went to high school with the lawyer who made the wills, powers-of-attorney, etc.: I'll have an appointment with him to catch up on the legal issues. One of my sisters went to high school with her pharmacist: we can find out more about her meds. Did I mention this is a small town?

We need an expert medical evaluation. I expect however that Mom will fight us at every step and will not cooperate with any exam. There is a real possibility she will see this as a global conspiracy including her own doc & lawyer, cut off all contact and refuse her current meds.

It's not so far fetched: in Dad's last two years, she was convinced that only she could treat Dad, and that all doctors were in cahoots to secretly murder him. She even accused two of my sisters of being part of that conspiracy. She was almost barred from two hospitals because of her threats of violence against the staff. It was ultimately dismissed with a warning as the ravings of a scared, distraught wife watching her husband suffer, but we had to monitor her while she was monitoring Dad.

So in all, I have a mess of stuff happening back in Canada and I don't have any good answers at the moment. I'm trying to thread my way through, but I'm not getting much sleep and the weight of it sometimes makes it difficult to breathe.

A year ago Monday, my Dad died. The Mom I knew is nearly gone, while a stranger like her but not her inhabits her body. And we have to come up with a plan to care for this not-quite-Mom that won't destroy what's left of her. Ugh.
bjarvis: (Default)
I'm writing this on the plane from San Francisco back to DC after a week onsite at the SF office and the Santa Clara data center. And in all, it went well.

My old boss, Bret McGinnis, left the company at the end of December 2019. It had been a long time coming, as he and our current CTO didn't see eye-to-eye on a lot of high priority issues. Our CTO is classic Silicon Valley start-up: break things, fail forward, be disruptive, avoid committee, beg forgiveness rather than ask permission, etc.. Bret worshiped at the alter of 100% Uptime, discussed joint issues with other teams as needed, and kept a very close eye not just on security issues, but audit compliance topics. Our CTO gives lip service to the issue of our PCI and SOC audits, but flatly disregards the actual rules if they are inconvenient and expects somehow that Bret & the rest of us will find some way of bridging the impossible gaps.

Anyway, Bret is gone and we have a new interim boss, Josh Woodward, working remotely from Armonk, NY. He seems nice and listens well, but he's a contractor brought on a few months ago by our CTO to consult on software development project planning. The hope is that he'll agree to go fulltime with us, but I'm unsure if that will actually happen.

So while there is a sudden gap in our team, there is some effort to fill it, and I had some good one-on-one meetings with both the CTO and Josh this past week. I can work with them in various degrees of enthusiasm, depending on the topic.

On the good side, on Friday, I received the first retention bonus following our acquisition by Enterprise this time last year. In 2019, I was offered a pile of cash for my stock options and a retention bonus of 40% of my base salary in January 2020 and again in January 2021. After taxes and 401k, it's still north of $40k, so I'm happy to have it, especially if we decide to go ahead with the house renovations this year.

I hired a new guy for my systems engineering group recently. I originally wanted him to start Jan 6 so I would be in San Francisco to onboard him myself, but he really wanted to start asap --I think there were some financial pressures-- so he started Dec 23 instead. I finally met him last week and he has been working out pretty well. Interestingly, I hired him based on the content of his resume and our telephone interviews, as well as the onsite interviews by other people on the Operations team; his references checked out well too. When I finally met him, I learned he's 10 years older than me, about 63 or so. Silicon Valley looks askance at anyone older than 30, so I suddenly have an appreciation for how hard it was for him to land a new position, and the value of working from the data rather than from appearances. If I were slightly more shallow than I already am, I might have overlooked him too in the interview process.

Our search for a new network engineer was stalled, but the CTO has named me the hiring manager for that spot so I'm now working to pick up where Bret had left off. The sooner we get an extra person in that position, the better.

Our San Francisco office at 642 Harrison Street is going month-to-month on the lease as we seek cheaper digs elsewhere. There is a small office being built out in Campbell, CA (San Jose area), primarily for the executives who dwell in the south bay area. I visited that site Friday to see how the office space is being renovated and it's looking pretty good. Naturally, all of the networking equipment and videoconferencing systems are top-of-the-line and brand new: the execs insisted on that for themselves; the new Oakland office for the plebes will not be so lucky. Interestingly, while the executive space has side meeting rooms, they've still gone with mostly an open office environment, including a standing desk in the main room for the CEO.

The renovations are only just starting on the new Oakland space, two floors at 1300 Broadway, just above the 12th Street BART station. I looked around the area Saturday, just to see the location and the amenities in the neighbourhood, but had no access to the building itself. I don't know how comfortable the offices will be in the end, but no one will starve and the public transit accessibility is good.

Having testing the BART accessibility and timing to the airport, I've largely decided that future trips will still likely be via SFO rather than Oakland's airport. Yes, the Oakland airport will be vastly closer, but it's hard to find a non-stop flight from the east coast to Oakland at decent times on an non-sucking airline. The Alaska Air non-stops between Dulles and SFO have been largely good to me, and I can handle an hour on BART to Oakland: it's only four more stations than the Powell one I've been using to my San Francisco hotel. Of course, I'll need to find a decent hotel near the office that's within policy...

We're about to start a round of SOC2 audits & evidence collection once again. In fact, I'm supposed to be onsite in San Francisco for the week of February 24 to face the auditors directly. I should book that air fare & hotel soon.

There's a boatload of small projects still in flight, but I'm feeling pretty confident about my working environment, relations with colleagues, and my future in general. The departure of Bret and a couple more people has made some space for me to grow into other managerial functions as a director, and as long as I ask for more responsibility from Josh and Neil, I'm relatively confident I'll get it. As long as I don't screw up, I'll be making their lives easier.

The biggest challenge for me at the moment is a kind of time management. Working three hours ahead of California has permitted me to do some personal stuff in the mornings: gym, medical appointments, commuting to the data center, etc.. My day picks up at noon eastern time though as meetings start in San Francisco, and they tend to run into the early evening because, obviously, that's still the business day for SF. I have to be firm about not letting much slide past my 6pm so I can still have dinner with my family, attend karate, go square dancing, etc.. I need to be more efficient in the 12-6pm hours, and to make sure my colleagues on the other side are as efficient about that too.

I also suspect that as I take on more management, I'm going to be spending more time working with Bangalore, which means more late night hours. But I'm typically up until midnight anyway, so that's not a huge burden.

So many pieces in progress, but it's working out well.
bjarvis: (Default)
I'm kinda surprised it's 2020 already. Weren't we just battling the dark forces of Y2K a few months ago?

And I've hardly written anything here in the intervening 12 months. So much has happened, good & bad.
bjarvis: (Default)
My flight home from Canada a week ago was uneventful. Per my usual luck, I had to join a work-related defcon situation the moment I walked in the door at home: no one else in the company has experience working with Solaris, Veritas volume manager, or Veritas Cluster Service. Indeed, I'd rather not myself but until we phase out that stuff in a few months, I'm still the go-to guy.

It's been 9 days since Dad died. Oddly, I don't really feel it yet. I do have moments of sadness that I'll never see or talk to him again, but nothing I would call grief or intense emotion. I suspect a huge part is that once he passed away, my primary task was to keep Mom grounded and to help her get through the essential paperwork. In essence, Dad became a project rather than a death in the family.

The Christmas holidays and the sudden trip to northern Ontario have upset my usual routine considerably. It's not a bad or resentful upset though: I was glad to spend time with the kids, and always love going back home to see the farm although the circumstances of this trip were horrible. But it was nice to get back to karate last Friday: I've missed that. Heavy snows this weekend and a dental appointment this morning have kept me from the gym, but I'll probably be back tomorrow, the first time in nearly three weeks.

I missed little work over the past while. The load was light during the holidays, even though I was on-call. Almost nothing came up while I was away, although I did log in from time to time, just to read emails and to make a few tweaks here & there to help keep the production systems stable. My task list is only just now gearing back up to a normal load, and there are good things in progress.

So, it's all a return to normality & routine now. It just feels so anti-climactic.
bjarvis: (Default)
A busy day...

We telephoned the Ayr News to submit an obit in the next edition; we then emailed them the copy & photo. The funeral home here is handling the obits for the Temiskaming Speaker, and the Northern News; they have been submitted and should be in the next editions.

Dad's ashes have been collected from the funeral home, along with twelve embossed copies of the Funeral Director's Proof of Death. They have submitted the paperwork to the federal government for the CPP death benefit, as well as updates to CPP and OAS.

We discussed monuments while at the funeral home. Mark showed us some photos of existing ones so we could get an idea of options; naturally, we knew the people mentioned on those headstones, so it was funny/awkward. Mom prefers solid black stone with high contrast lettering, polished front & back, no fancy photos or images chemically etched into the surface although there may be some standard scrollwork along the edges. She needs to think about the general text (full names of course, but month, day & year or just year for birth & death? Any extra titles "Beloved father & grandfather"?).

There are models which have a primary headstone and then a smaller second stone below for secondary names (like me), the stack resting on a foundation. Because this is a single plot, the stone would be 24-30" wide and therefore pricing would likely run $3800-5000 CDN, depending on sourcing and style.

Turnaround time for a monument is about a month, not that they need that much time to create one since we're using mostly locally-sourced rock, but because the firm only delivers up this way once every 3-4 weeks.

At the credit union, the accounts were updated to remove Dad's name, retaining Mom and my sister Angela ("6 of 6") on the bank accounts. The credit union now has one of the certified death certificates for their files. They also volunteered to photocopy the extra documents for me: I wanted copies of Dad's will and Mom's will & powers-of-attorney papers for my own files, should they be required some day.

The credit union also told us that their Visa is in Dad's name with Mom as the secondary. When we notify Visa about Dad's death, they will likely nuke the account and ask Mom to re-apply in her own right. They have no current balance, but it is likely Mom will have a lower credit limit as a single cardholder than both of them combined.

We then dashed to New Liskeard to Service Ontario where we returned Dad's driver's license and health card, as well as another copy of the death certificate. They say that the truck vehicle transfer can be done in Englehart when convenient; Mom will need the ownership papers, the current odometer reading, $32 fee, a copy of the death certificate, a copy of Dad's will to show her as trustee, and her own ID. Mom isn't planning to do this any time soon as the vehicle isn't needed and is currently snowed in near the barn. She'll worry about it in spring.

Mom isn't planning to update the CIBC bank accounts as those are being closed in another month anyway.

The beer cans were dropped off for recycling.

We stopped by Bill Ramsay's law office in Englehart in the late afternoon. His recommendation on amending the title to the farm is to do nothing. Since Mom was on the title already, there is no advantage to an update unless Mom sells immediately. If she does it now, it would cost $750. If she waits until selling, it gets bundled into the legal sale papers and would cost only $250. The home insurance company may pressure that update to happen, but Bill recommended pleading impoverished & grieving widow to delay it. Bill also gave us five official copies of Dad's will in case we should need that elsewhere. Beyond that, he has nothing else to offer us as we have the essentials already under way. And he didn't charge us for the consultation, bless him. (I went to high school with Bill... we were lab partners in Grade 13 computer electronics.)

I've telephoned Bell Mobility to cancel Dad's phone, 705-544-3847. The account was in Mom's name and retains her mobile number and the home wifi service.

Other utilities such as NorthernTel and Ultramar are all in joint names. I don't see any compelling reason to update any of these. The 407ETR transponder account is in Dad's name but since it is a use-as-you-go service and the bills are sent to the farm & paid electronically, I don't see a need to change this either. If Mom gets her license back, she may use it; if she doesn't, the account should go dormant anyway.

I'm informed by my sister Donna ("5 of 6") that dropping Dad off the HydroOne account means that Mom would qualify for a single person dwelling discount on her electric bills. Alas, I learned this after business hours so I may try to make a phone call in the morning.

Dad's standard wheelchair is apparently a loaner from the Lions Club in Charlton. Had I known that a couple of days ago, I would have made arrangements to return it. Figures. Mom wants to keep his electric wheelchair however as she feels her Mom may required it sooner or later.

Still to do:
  • The life insurance claim paperwork from Primerica should be arriving shortly. It needs to be completed and returned asap.
  • The paperwork from the union will come in two sets: the death benefit and the pension/medical adjustments. These should be arriving in snail-mail very soon and need to be completed & returned. The paperwork for the modification/continuation of Mom's health benefits should arrive in about 4-5 months; her existing benefits are gratis until July 31.
  • There will be an outstanding bill at the funeral home for $73.39 for the obit in the Northern News. Mom plans to pay that when she's next in Englehart.
  • Notify the Canada Revenue Agency of Dad's death. I presume this is to cancel any expectations of quarterly tax submissions, and to pave the way for one final income tax submission.
  • Visa needs to be contacted concerning Dad's death. They will almost certainly close the account (Mom was only a secondary, not joint). Mom will then have to apply for her own Visa if she still wants a credit card.
  • We returned Dad's health card, but we don't know if that nullifies his Ministry of Health & Long Term Care - Ostomy Grant, claim 1000364615. I didn't know it existed until Mom brought it up after we were home. It may be outstanding still.
  • Mom may choose to return Dad's passport, but she insists that she wants the government to cancel it, marking it appropriately and returning it to her. If they can't/won't, she won't turn it over and will simply hold it until it expires in five years.
  • The farm & house insurance should be updated. They may demand the farm title be updated as well, but that's not obligatory.
  • The title of the truck may be updated when convenient, or when it is to be sold. The old title, an odometer reading, Dad's death certificate, Dad's will, Mom's ID and $32 will be enough. It can be done in Englehart.
  • Select/design a monument for installation in spring or summer.


No action Planned:
  • The farm title doesn't need to be updated unless/until the farm is sold and it can be done at the time of sale.
  • The utilities (Northern Telephone, Ultramar, 407ETR) are all in joint names, or are harmless.
  • Updating the CIBC. Mom is closing those accounts in February anyway.



I'm still planning to fly home tomorrow from Timmins and should be driving out no later than 11am, weather & road conditions permitting. We had blowing & drifting snow all day and getting home at 5pm was an adventure: I hope the roads are clear before I head north tomorrow.

I depart Timmins around 4pm to Toronto's island airport (1hr flight time), then catch a plane to Dulles (1hr20min flight time); I should be on the ground by 7:30pm. With the government shutdown, however, I have no idea how many TSA and ICE people are actually working: I've heard many are calling in sick or effectively working other jobs since they need the paycheck, and there's no functioning HR to which one can send a resignation letter. What a mess.
bjarvis: (Default)
Dad died very early Sunday. We collected his personal effects and brought Mom back to my hotel room for the night. After a few hours of sleep, we headed back to the farm in Englehart.

On Monday, we began the process of paperwork on Dad.

There won't be an extensive funeral. The body was collected from Kirkland Lake by McDonalds Funeral Home in Englehart; it will be cremated in Haileybury today. We chose a small wooden chest for his cremains. There will be no service immediately but a celebration of life at the United Church in Englehart in April, followed by burial in the Brentha Cemetary, plot I-16. We paid Mark at the Home for their services, $3,870.

The funeral home is updating the federal government, so we don't have to make extra calls about Dad's Canada Pension Plan, Old Age Supplement or such. The CPP has a $2,500 death benefit; that should be arriving in a couple of months once we get the last paper signed. She will get a reduced survivor's benefit from Dad's CPP, as well as her own CPP and her OAS.

I've made phone calls to Primerica about Dad's life insurance policy, and to his union about his death benefits. The paperwork for those will be mailed to the farm for completion.

Dad's union pension will continue to Mom at full for ten more years, then 50% after. She will continue getting the union's supplemental health insurance gratis for the next six months, then receive paperwork to obtain it in her own name in future.

We have some issues on the credit cards: they have two Visa cards which appear to both be under Dad's name exclusively. We have to cancel those, but we also need to ensure Mom has some credit card available to her.

There were no outside investment accounts. The property & bank accounts were all jointly held so Mom retains control without probate. The Ford Escape is exclusively in her name, but the pickup truck was in Dad's: we'll have to figure that one out, but it's not a pressing concern this week.

The township has been notified of Dad's passing and we have confirmed that we will be using the plot the parents purchased some years ago.

They both had extra accident-only insurance coverage. I've cancelled both of Dad's policies to prevent further premium payments, and confirmed Mom's are still intact.

Beyond this, I'm helping put away a lot of Dad's personal items. We've taken bags of his medications to the local pharmacy for disposal. Some clothes have already been donated. His toiletries have been removed from the master bath room. I'm eating my way through is chocolate stash and his assortment of potato chips.

My parents collectively have kept a huge pile of bank statements, legal papers, invoices, receipts and so on for decades. I'm sorting out items of no consequence and documents older than seven years, burning the old stuff and sorting the current things into some vague order.

Tomorrow (Wednesday), we pick up Dad's remains and a stack of copies of the death certificate from the funeral home. We will also stop by the township hall to sign some papers prepared for us. And then we go to New Liskeard to stop by the provincial government offices to formally close his Ontario health benefits and various supplemental services he received as part of his Crohn's, COPD and mobility support. And return Dad's beer can empties as we can only recycle those in New Liskeard or Kirkland Lake --we need to keep up with the practical day-to-day issues too.

I return to Maryland Thursday; perhaps an extra 24 hours might be useful, but not enough to justify the expense of rescheduling my flight. I'm taking lots of photos of various documents & contact info with my phone, as well as recording information in Evernote and emailing my siblings daily with my progress so they know where we stand when Angela comes up this weekend to continue the battle on paperwork. At least I'll be able to say that we got 80% of the heavy lifting done before I go; we just need to complete the appropriate forms when they arrive via snail-mail in the coming week.
bjarvis: (Default)
Dad passed away at approximately 12:50am, Sunday, January 6, 2019. It was three days after his 77th birthday.

I spent most of Saturday at the hospital in Kirkland Lake with Mom & Dad. Because of leg pain in the overnight hours, his pain meds were increased earlier. Dad was very groggy, rarely fully awake and was struggling to speak; I presumed it was the medications, but it may be that he was regressing at that moment and we didn't recognize it.

Dad was also struggling to clear his lungs: between coughing spasms, he was gurgling so much it reminded me of a coffee percolator. My concern at that moment was possible pneumonia, or at least ideal conditions for coming down with pneumonia.

After running some minor errands for them, I sat with Mom & Dad from about 3pm to 7pm. Dad never said a word to me because of the exertion required, but he did glance my way, nod & smile. Mom and I had made plans for Sunday --I was going to bring lunch to the hospital around 11am, consult with the doctor, sit for a couple of hours, then we would go to the farm so she could collect the papers she was going to hand over to the card tournament organizers at her Monday meeting. I left the hospital around 7pm, had dinner, then went to my hotel room for the night.

The hospital called at just after 1am to inform me that Dad had died. I immediately dressed and went to the hospital; the staff had already notified the ER that I'd be arriving and going directly to the 4th floor.

Dad was still in his bed, and Mom was sharing stories with two nurses. I sat next to Dad and listened for a half-hour or so. When Mom was ready, we collected her things and Dad's personal items, then we went to the nursing station to sign papers. I went back to the room to see Dad one last time and to say goodbye --I never did have that final conversation as I really thought we had at least a few more days-- and then we went back to my hotel room for the night. I don't think we slept until 3am.

This morning, we checked out of the hotel and we're currently at the farm. We're clearing away some of Dad's items from the dining room table, such as his unused medications & clothing items. I've carried his electric wheelchair to the basement. I imagine we'll do a lot of that in the next day or two.

We had already made an appointment with the Mcdonald Funeral Home in Englehart for 11am Monday to discuss what the next steps would have been. Obviously, we are now making arrangements rather than merely making plans. I should have more to report after that.

Mom is still holding to the no-funeral plan, with a celebration of life at the United Church in Englehart in April. My personal concern was that I wanted to at least have a private viewing; I got that last night at the hospital so I can say at least my personal needs were met. I hope everyone else got what they needed when visiting earlier.

I know we need several copies of the death certificate, and that we need to update the union and insurance companies as quickly as possible; we'll also need to update the government concerning Dad's pension. Eventually, the bank accounts will also have to be cleaned up, but at least Mom is joint on all of those, as well as Angela, I'm told.

I'm still planning to fly out on Thursday from Timmins back to DC but I'm open to rescheduling if needed.
bjarvis: (Default)
I've finally made it to Kirkland Lake. One of my sisters flew in from Halifax to Toronto's island airport where we met up, then few together to Timmins where I had a rental car waiting. We're now checked into our hotel and had a brief visit with Mom & Dad at the hospital.

Dad is currently in the palliative care ward. While he is not in any particular pain, he is receiving moderate doses of medication to make him comfortable, mostly by keeping his stress & anxiety at bay sufficiently so that his lungs' low performance is still sufficient. If he exerts himself in anyway, physically or emotionally, his COPD is sufficiently advanced that he cannot function and therefore becomes even more anxious, feeling that he is suffocating --because, well, he is, in slow motion.

At the moment, it doesn't appear he can go home again: his ability to physically function & care for himself, even with Mom's help, is too degraded.

This afternoon before I arrived, he had a chat with the hospital staff about medically assisted death. We don't think he's actively investigating this at the moment, but is considering his options when/if his situation further degrades to the point where he will be utterly dependent on machines to survive.

When I arrived this evening, Mom was on the phone to her mother, explaining that Dad had little time left, that he wished to be cremated, that there would be no immediate funeral but probably a memorial celebration of life later in the summer when his cremains are interred in the Brentha Cemetary near their farm. Dad was sitting upright in bed this entire time, listening to the conversation.

Dad's skin tone was definitely greyer than I've ever seen, but he was talkative, clear-minded and lucid, although periodically fighting for consciousness against the medication. His mind is good, but his body is simply worn out & failing.

At this moment, I would say that Dad is reaching the end, but it is not imminent. He will die in his own time, perhaps a few days or perhaps a few months. I have no doubt though that tomorrow will be his last birthday (77), and I wouldn't put any money on him seeing their next wedding anniversary (July 4).

As I write this, I'm OK with all of this. I will miss him, but I can see that this is no longer the life he wants, an active mind trapped in a decaying body. If he has made peace with his ending, then I'm at peace with it too. I love my father: I will not demand he live in pain just to assuage my fears or sadness, so I'm letting him go.

Mother, however, has not made peace. To the contrary, she's declaring war on the universe.

While she has somewhat accepted that his end is coming soon, she's fighting it tooth & nail. She won't leave the room because she believes the hospital will stop treating him if she's not present & monitoring. She's sleeping in his hospital bed beside him, even though crowding Dad and wrapping her arm over him makes it harder for him to breathe. She won't let Dad finish a sentence, insisting that she knows better than he does what his wishes are going to be --or tries until he glares his annoyance at her while he catches his breath to finish speaking.

She still holds that at least two of my sisters are part of the great conspiracy to murder our father, a notion she latched onto a few years ago when Dad first was diagnosed with Crohn's and his COPD became undeniable. Since one sister is a nurse, Mom has identified her as the secret agent of the medical profession, sent to monitor Dad and report back on better ways to torture him. I know how ridiculous this sounds --because it is utterly ridiculous-- but it is causing very real headaches.

Before we arrived this afternoon, Mom began shouting at Donna as she inquired about Dad's medical regimen. At one point, Mom charged at her, presumably with the intent of doing something violent; Donna, who has faced this before and is quite tired of the stupidity, simply turned and left the room, refusing to be an witness for Mom's tantrum. This made Mom even more furious and she began directing her rage at Angela, who had done nothing to this point. Angela told her directly to stop behaving like a child and that we had all come to see Dad (laying in bed, witness to the whole thing), not be held hostage to her tantrums.

As you can imagine, this didn't go over well with Mom, who became louder & more obnoxious. She then turned and kicked away a chair and a rolling tray table that were in her way. At this point, the hospital staff had to step in to address the noise level. If Mom does this again, the staff will address this as a "code white" (violent person, whether patient, visitor, staff or other) and Mom will be ejected from the hospital and refused further entry.

I have some sympathy for her: her husband is dying and she's ill-equipped to live without him, at least in the way they've been living for decades. She has mild dementia, the residual effects of mild strokes and a brain tumour. She's survived breast cancer in recent years. Most of her old social network has largely died of old age by now. But I can't accept the damage she is doing. Dad doesn't need this stress. Our last memories with Dad should be about Dad, not about Mom's exaggerated drama, conspiracy theories & inflated sense of self-importance.

I have no good answers for this. All I can say for my part is that if she goes into drama mode again, I will leave the room. I will not be an audience for her performance art. After a brief family conference this evening, my siblings are in similar agreement.

Tomorrow, we're planning to have some brief one-on-one chats with Dad to say goodbye. Nearly everyone is returning to their individual homes Friday or Saturday: kids have to be back in school, work has to be resumed, etc.. I'm here until at least Tuesday, and depending on how things look, I may extend that. We've already discussed the possibility that once we've each had a chance to say our farewells and celebrated his birthday, Dad may simply let go of his own accord. Or not. We just don't know.

And we have no idea what to do about Mom once he does pass away. What do you do when the only things which could possibly make her happy are utterly impossible, and that the only theoretically choices are Great Evils To Be Violently Opposed? How do we deal with a situation where the best possible outcome might actually be Mom's stated wish to die immediately with Dad? Again, I have no answers.
bjarvis: (Default)
We are 11 hours into 2019 and so far my recurring theme is death.

My mobile phone died. It just won't power up. Great.

Our water heater has been acting strangely. It may be gone soon.

And my Dad, 77 years old this coming Friday and in failing health for the past couple of years, may finally have reached the end of his rope.

He is currently in the hospital in Kirkland Lake in north-eastern Ontario. There is apparently a bubble of air outside his left lung inside his chest cavity and it is causing great discomfort. Normally, this would be addressed by intubating the patient, opening a small hole in the chest with a syring to release air, and inflating the lung manually to compress the gas out of the chest. Because of Dad's advanced COPD, the fear is that once he is intubated, he may never be off a respirator again, and he explicitly does not want that.

At this moment, I don't know what his plans are. Live with the discomfort, be medicated for the pain, and gently fade away? Attempt the procedure but demand the tubes be removed following, hope he can continue but absolutely do not resuscitate if he doesn't?

I'm sure Mom knows his intentions, but she is --how do we say this gently?-- a narcissistic & manipulative eater of souls. Honestly, I can't actually say if Dad is nearing death right now, or if this is a manipulation by Mom to get some attention for herself, dragging in her kids & grandkids from all corners of the country. It could be that Dad is genuinely reaching the end. Or perhaps not. We can't tell without bypassing her somehow.

I know that sounds rather angry & bitter, but honestly, I'm not either. I figured out her mechanisms decades ago and have been immune to 95% of it, so that's just Mom being Mom. This is what she does. I can see how it damages her connections with people around her and her own extended family, but her issues are hers to deal with, not mine.

I do cut her a great deal of slack: her husband of 54 year is in poor health and , and she's not exactly a tower of youthful vigour herself after multiple cancer surgeries and multiple small strokes. Mom has every right to be concerned for his well being, and for her own future without him. Both of them have been so deep in denial about their own mortality, neither has made any meaningful plans for surviving the death of the other, and now what should have been gradual planning over the course of years is coming crashing down on them hard as a present & unavoidable emergency. I fault them both for their procrastination and for their insensitivity to each other: did they actually believe they would both die simultaneously somehow? So yes, she should be emotionally distressed at the possible death of her husband, but some of that drama is by her own design.

In my mind, I'm composing a eulogy for Dad, trying to paint a picture of a man's life of 77 years in a 5-10 minute speech --as if that were even possible. Also in my mind, I don't think this is the end: I strongly suspect this will be considered a fire drill exercise, and we'll be back to the status quo for a few more months.

In any case, I'm flying out tomorrow, Jan 2: Dulles to Toronto Island Airport, then to Timmins, where I have a rental car reserved to drive to Kirkland Lake. Because of the uncertainty, I flew on a one-way ticket and booked the car & hotel room to Jan 8; I can extend that if needed. All of my siblings are currently en route except for "5 of 6," who can't afford the trip from Prince Edward Island. Before writing this, I sent her an email offering to buy her airfare & hotel room; if she can get herself to Halifax though, she & I can be on the same flight to Timmins and care the drive south.
bjarvis: (Default)
I'm still at the same firm I've been at for ten years, Deem Inc.. Indeed, this past week was my 10th anniversary, if you count from when I first started doing work for them, Jan 5 is my 10th anniversary if you count from my official start date.

On January 25, I became the manager of our systems engineering team. I was already the senior member and was doing the equivalent of team manager since the prior fall, but this was when it was made official. Unfortunately, it did not come with extra money or stock options: management pleaded poverty. I accepted it however as it definitively shifted my job title from mere systems guy into a management roll; this is something which would look good on a resume should I move elsewhere, especially if the company was pleading poverty.

It has been a good year. Besides the day-to-day activities of keeping our systems running, we cleaned out & closed down the one cage in DC3 which I had originally been hired to support & manage ten years ago. We had switched over 90% of all activity to the new cage in May 2017, so we just had to be aggressive about moving that last 10%, then securely disposing of the old equipment.

The other big project was getting our PCI compliance certificate in the fall. Because our systems store credit card information of our customers, we are required to be certified by the paycard industry as compliant with their security guidelines. Some rules had changed since our last certification, and some of our systems had aged out of compliance on their own: it took a significant amount of effort just to collect the proof of compliance for our good systems, not to mention upgrading & modifying our non-compliant ones. In all, we were successful by the deadline but it was a huge effort.

There are still quarterly activities which must be taken as part of the compliance. I just received word yesterday that we have cleared the hurdle for this quarter. Good times will be here again around March 20.

On August 8, I was promoted from Manager, Systems Engineering, to Director, Operations. This promotion did come with extra money, and a pile of additional stock options. Now several teams report to me (and me to my senior VP, Bret). I'm spending more time in coordinating activities and in managerial meetings, but I still have my finger in the systems administration side of the house. I'm still the only person who lives even approximately near our production data center near Dulles Airport.

I had two trips to San Francisco this year, two more than last year. At the moment, there is a strong possibility of another trip for the first week of February, but I'm awaiting word to confirm that.

And while I can't write more about it here (or anywhere, really) because of confidentiality issues, there is something big and wonderful happening right now with work, and I'm very excited about it. I hope to write something a lot more informative by the end of January.
bjarvis: (Default)
This has been my first full year studying karate. As I write this, I am just back from a Saturday morning session, my second since attaining my purple belt earlier this week.

At the moment, I'm solidly in intermediate territory, and will be for another half-year at least as a purple belt and, hopefully, a red belt. My progression so far:
1. White belt at first class, Aug 17, 2017
2. Yellow (gold) belt at first exam, Nov 28, 2017
3. Orange belt at second exam, Feb 26, 2018
4. Green belt at third exam, May 28, 2018
5. Blue belt at fourth exam, August 27, 2018
6. Purple belt at fifth exam, December 18, 2018

At this point, I'm more aware of the gaps in my knowledge and experience, as well as ability. Our dojo has not used Japanese names for any of the blocks, kicks, stances or such: the only Japanese terminology is the numbering of the kata (ichi, ni, san, shi, go...). I don't know that I'll ever compete outside of my dojo, but most regional, national & international organizations will use the proper japanese terms. If I take on some teaching duties at the dojo as I become a senior practitioner, I should know this and pass it on to my students.

Our dojo does not have many intermediate level students. There is a large base of juniors & newbies (a good thing for future growth & stability of the dojo) and a number of blackbelts from other traditions or dojos who have made our place their new home, but not many of us between, say, orange and brown. This makes for small classes and a lot of personalized attention --all good!-- but it makes for a very small & limited pool for sparring practice. At least three of my group have severe mobility issues, one is very young (and small) so I have to go extra gentle, and most of the rest are kinda weak on their punches & strikes or are too predictable in their patterns. Example: I know Joseph likes to do a leaping back fist for a head strike; the moment I see him crouch though, I know it's coming and one upper block to deflect with a reverse punch to the lower ribs and he's down. Without serious sparring time, it's very difficult to internalize the optimal attack & defense strategies, when to kick & when to punch, how to block for one particular strike or kick, etc..

The hardest thing to overcome is my own physical limitations. My lower back/upper pelvis is *tight*. This is great for weightlifting but not so good for karate. My sensei has joked many times that I don't do 'relaxed' very well, and there's a huge amount of truth to that. It has taken most of this year to learn to automatically relax my shoulders; shoulder tension has been my natural state for 50 years. The lack of flexibility in my lower back is part of what is holding me back from higher kicks and more reach. My hamstrings too are tight and are not showing much sign of loosening, despite extra stretching before class. My balance is much improved but could still use some work: that, at least, is something an aging body won't prevent.

A week off may be the kind of rest my body needs to recover a bit from recent workouts, including gym time. My left elbow is really no better than it was a month ago, and that's a problem: this golfer's elbow (akin to tennis elbow) is restricting my ability to do pulling actions. Bench press is fine, pull-ups are not. I was hoping that dropping all pulling actions from my workouts would help, but whatever gains I thought I was making seem to vanish again just as quickly. Perhaps taking a full week off from the gym as well will give it the rest it clearly needs. If not, I'll be off to the doctor early in the new year.

January 2021

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