Hell's Suggestion Box

[bjarvis]

IMHO, Dante had it right: there are varying levels of hellfire waiting for people who transgress particular rules. However, I believe his list of sins was somewhat incomplete. In no particular order then I offer a few entries in bjarvis's New! Improved! Expanded! version of hell.

In this new version, there are places specifically reserved for people who:

1. leave their cell phones on in theatres, cinemas, etc.
   
2. chat in line with their friends at the sales counter, then take five minutes to decide what to order when it is finally their turn at the front of the line;
   
3. have their ipods, walkmen, etc. turned up so loud that despite using earphones, I can name that tune 20 feet away on a crowded & noisy subway car;
   
4. forward chain letters;
   
5. forward dire warnings in e-mail without checking to see if they're hoaxes first;
   
6. send spam;
   
7. park in handicapped spaces who aren't handicapped in any way;
   
8. park in the road/firelane/entrance/exit rather than in the parking lot proper 20 feet away because "they're only running into the store for just a minute";
   
9. stand in the subway doors, blocking riders from entering or exiting;
   
10. stand on the left side of the escalator;
    
11. talk over another speaker, then ask the speaker to repeat themselves because they missed it all;
    
12. call for a meeting, but then show up late --if at all.
    

Got more to add? Leave me a comment!

Comments

[brunorepublic.livejournal.com]

People who douse themselves in heavy, synthetic perfumes before getting on a crowded bus.

[bigfundrew.livejournal.com]

drive to the gym and park in the handicap spot or at the curb near the front door

[dendren.livejournal.com]

wow... that is a lot of new rings of hell. We may have to build an expansion on to the original.

[madknits.livejournal.com]

But what would their punishment be?

In the book, Inferno by Larry Nivens and Poul Anderson, lawyers are consigned to a circle where they inhabit a river of shit. Every time they open their mouths, shit pours out and makes the river deeper.

What would be the punishments for those sins?

[cuyahogarvr.livejournal.com]

add "while working out in the gym" to number 1.
Here's another.... waiting until the bus/subway pulls up and then begin to go fishing for their coins/pass/token. This is especially true of women with LARGE purses.

[paigemom.livejournal.com]

people who try to talk on their cell phones and drive at the same time.

[urbear]

Not a new sin, but the thread reminds me of a line from Firefly, specifically from the episode "Our Mrs. Reynolds":

"If you take sexual advantage of her, you're going to burn in a very special level of Hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater."

[london-bill.livejournal.com]

How about people that uninstall things off their computer, then call us technical support people and say that it's not working and and it HAS to be the fault of the internet provider? I hate these people.

[beartalon.livejournal.com]

Going out with a small group (5 or less) of close friends but one is text-messaging on a cell phone to someone the others of the group do not know and being upset when we interrupt or make decisions without his input.

This was especially in context. I was visiting a friend and another was coming. We hadn't seen each other in more than 2 months. She was an hour late, then spent almost 20 minutes interrupting her own conversation with us to have her converation with her fling (which didn't start until she was just outside the host's door). We finally said "No phone or go home."

[ann0625.livejournal.com]

Three people (or more) walking side by side, slowly, in a narrow hall way.

[bearfinch.livejournal.com]

People who quote articles from The Onion in response to LJ posts.

Oh, and on that topic....

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28898

[rsc.livejournal.com]

People who design packaging that can't be opened with anything less powerful than a small nuclear weapon.

People who design packaging for something that might not be used up all at once (say, a block of cheese) in such a way that said packaging cannot be reused once opened.

[bitterlawngnome.livejournal.com]

Any use of Comic Sans or Sand.

Lemmings

[(Anonymous)]

People that rigidly adhere to forming perpendicular lines.

Examples:

At the ATM, even though the sidewalk is crowded with pedestrians, this person (and persons behind this person) will join the line such that the line goes directly across the flow of traffic. I once even had someone walk up and stand where this person believed the line should have been (even though I had already gotten the line to wend its way alone the side of the bank, out of the flow of traffic). When I pointed out that the line went along the side of the building, this person scolded me and said, "No, that is not the line. This is where the line goes."

And, even though 9 of us were clearly in line along the side of the bank, others began to get in line behind this person and extend the line across traffic, ignoring the rest of us. A brouhaha almost erupted as said person tried to approach the ATM as the next person in line until all 9 of us unified to block him.

Similar lines form in supermarkets where those still shopping are blocked by checkout lines extending back into the aisles.

After having purchased tickets to a popular movie, the line doesn't go perpendicular out into the street. That people can't transfer knowledge to similar situations ...

Lemmings ...

--Inspiritor--

[cuyahogarvr.livejournal.com]

Parents who don't know how to "supervise" their children in public places. (see my most recent post)