I'm Officially a Bad Uncle
Jul. 25th, 2009 03:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bjarvisI've finally given up and done what I swore I would never do: rather than selecting & sending a customized birthday present to a niece or nephew, I just sent a card with a $20 (CDN) bill.
Sending money just seems like such a cop-out. I'm officially a failure as an uncle. I feel dirty.
The sad reality though is that I rarely get back to Canada these days. When I first moved to the US, I was returning to the Dominion every three months or so. Now, it's more like every 18 months. The four of them --a niece & nephew by one sister and two nieces by another-- are very young kids yet and growing quickly every day. Seeing them even quarterly wouldn't be enough to keep up with their growth rate and changing interests. I can't even keep track anymore of the presents I sent individually for past birthdays and christmas so I'm running into the possibility of accidentally sending the same item twice. Sure, it's the thought that counts etc., but that requires an adult perspective: I could barely expect that level of maturity from my own peer group let alone kids eight years old & younger.
In defeat, I'm caving in. Where the kiddie in question is too young to understand money, I'll trust their parents to either save it or spend it judiciously on our collective behalf. Daniel is old enough to understand (roughly) how money work so I'm sure his parents will let him exercise his own discretion.
God as my witness though, I will purchase proper gifts at christmas. Every kid deserves proper presents at the holidays. I'll just have to consult extensively with the family before buying. That will have to suffice to redeem my good uncle status.
Sending money just seems like such a cop-out. I'm officially a failure as an uncle. I feel dirty.
The sad reality though is that I rarely get back to Canada these days. When I first moved to the US, I was returning to the Dominion every three months or so. Now, it's more like every 18 months. The four of them --a niece & nephew by one sister and two nieces by another-- are very young kids yet and growing quickly every day. Seeing them even quarterly wouldn't be enough to keep up with their growth rate and changing interests. I can't even keep track anymore of the presents I sent individually for past birthdays and christmas so I'm running into the possibility of accidentally sending the same item twice. Sure, it's the thought that counts etc., but that requires an adult perspective: I could barely expect that level of maturity from my own peer group let alone kids eight years old & younger.
In defeat, I'm caving in. Where the kiddie in question is too young to understand money, I'll trust their parents to either save it or spend it judiciously on our collective behalf. Daniel is old enough to understand (roughly) how money work so I'm sure his parents will let him exercise his own discretion.
God as my witness though, I will purchase proper gifts at christmas. Every kid deserves proper presents at the holidays. I'll just have to consult extensively with the family before buying. That will have to suffice to redeem my good uncle status.
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avuncular attention
Date: 2009-07-26 12:41 am (UTC)If you can find it in your heart to send them a postcard once a month, or even every other month, it will have a big effect. The actual message is "my Uncle Brian is thinking of me. Not mum-and-dad (or sibling), but ME." and that's a real present. (if you have two siblings of reading age in the same household, send two cards if you can)
At that age, getting something arriving in the mail (especially addressed to YOU personally) is A Big Deal. Also at that age, they're at the concrete-operational stage of development. What that means, in non-BEd, non-Early Childhood Ed terms, is they are gathering facts and having a whale of a time doing it. They've learned language, and now they're using it. Learning all about railroads, or dinosaurs, or geography, or stars, or cars, or whatever their fancy lights upon. Children are little learning machines - that is their employment - and voracious fact-collectors (which they will then sort-and-classify). Postcards will give them pretty pictures and a little parcel of facts, which will be absorbed.
You are fortunate to live in a tourist town, with all sorts of museums. There are cheap postcards galore. Tell your nephew/niece about the town that you live in. "This is the Jefferson Monument- Jefferson was president of the US back in (whatever the dates were). Look at all the cherry trees in blossom! This was in April - was there snow where you live then? Love, Uncle Brian". That's ALL it takes. You could even write the cards in advance and mail on pre-decided dates, though you may want to throw in a one-sentence allusion to something in his/her life. Or you could, as the occasion arises, send a tourist postcard. "hello! we're on vacation this week and went to Gettysburg. There's an enormous battlefield here, but now it's a big grassy field, with a very interesting museum. Are you going on holiday soon? love, Uncle Brian. "
They might even start to write back, though not as often as you write to them.
This way, you stay part of their life - Uncle Brian who lives far away and who tells me about where he lives and what he does. It's real connection. It goes directly to the child in question, not through mum-and-dad. And a postcard is QUICK to write, less than a minute. I recommend 'em strongly.