The Day After

[bjarvis]

Last night's overindulgence has had some interesting side effects.

I fear my additional mass is causing space-time distortions in my immediate vicinity. Indeed, more sensitive gravimetric anomoly mapping satellites and experiments involving precise testing of Einstein's theories may well be thrown off by my sudden increase in weight. I apologize to science and its armies of disposable slave labour grad students.

Further, the act of digesting generated so much additional heat, I was also unable to sleep under any sort of blankets. Indeed, I was able to heat the entire room simply by laying on top of the bed. If you were scanning the mid-Atlantic US coast in infrared last night from orbit, I'm the hot spot immediately north of Washington DC. I also apologize in advance for accidentally incinerating anyone who wandered too close. I fear I may have inadvertently cooked all the food in our pantry as well as our neighbours'.

But it was so worth it. Mmmmm...

Comments

[fuzzygruf.livejournal.com]

Oh, you think you're up for a real challenge? Mwah hah hah! It's gonna be a physics showdown in DC, baby. My gravitational forces will suck you in faster than a newbie at convention.

[trawnapanda.livejournal.com]

actually, there's a much easier way to observe the phenomenon than looking for space-time distortions: are there any small bodies orbiting your waistline? do you have any lunar bodies?

lying flat on your back (as you did overnight) disrupts their orbit, so you may have lost them. But you can get them back: while standing, take a pinch of salt, or sugar, and holding your hand in front of yer belt, throw the crystals horizontally (either left or right, the physics is the same for clockwise and counterclockwise satellites).

If you've really acquired enough mass, at least a few of the salt or sugar crystals will orbit you around the waistline.

then you really WILL be the master of your own universe. or planetary system, at least.

[rexsteed.livejournal.com]

I don't really understand a word you said - did you mean you were gassy?

[kent4str.livejournal.com]

Ring around the Brian! Ring around the Brian!

And, really, the heat thing came in handy when I went to cook breakfast...

[bjarvis.livejournal.com]

Nope, just very heavy and radiating heat like a blast furnace.

[rsc.livejournal.com]

Well, apparently the local heating you caused had widespread distorting effects on temperature gradients. We had temperatures in the low teens (F) last night.

[pklexton.livejournal.com]

I thought I noticed a red glow on the eastern horizon last night.

[bearfuz.livejournal.com]

Do you have photos? I like the idea of more Brianly furriness to see and salivate over.

Yah, oink. So deal.