Office Health Clinic, Part II

[bjarvis]

A couple of weeks ago, I attended my firm's annual health clinic. What the hell... it earns me a bonus day off work if I complete the follow-up survey and read their materials.

Yesterday, the results of my blood tests arrived. Generally, all was pretty good. My good cholesterol was low but just barely out of the recommended bounds; a hefty amount of aerobic exercise can correct that. One of my white blood cell counts was elevated but that was probably related to the cold I developed in the day or two following.

The true amusement came from the assessment based on my numbers: apparently I'm in such appalling health that I should be dead.

I don't feel dead. Well, I sometimes pray for death when the alarm clock goes off on Monday mornings but that's different.

According to the survey and numbers, I'm obese. Not fat, not gee-you-could-stand-to-lose-a-few-pounds. Obese. Fer cryin' out loud, I'm 185 lbs on a 5'10" frame. Yeah, I could trim myself down to a svelte 165 lbs with some minor acts of starvation, but obese?!

My diet is also atrocious. Consuming enough refined sugar, ice cream and chocolate to sustain a small country didn't raise eyebrows; the fact that I don't eat breakfast however dooms me to an early grave.

The real kicker was the spotlight brought to bear on not getting 8+ hours of sleep per day. Huh? If I'm sleeping eight hours, it's because something is wrong such as illness or extreme exertion. I know my body and it works optimally on 7 hours.

The ultimate take-away message was clear: there's no substitute for (a) knowing your own body, and (b) having a physician who knows you. Clearly, this scatter-shot, one-size-fits-all health survey doesn't know me well at all.

Comments

[jss]

One-size-fits-all health surveys fit nobody.

[quirkstreet.livejournal.com]

Tubby and furry. Yay.

[rlegters.livejournal.com]

I wonder how they come up with 'obese' for 185 lbs and 5'10"? When I plug those numbers into a BMI Calculatorit comes up 26.5, just barely in the 'overweight' category, and BMI always overstates overweightness for anyone who's very muscular. Didn't this test make any attempt at body fat percentage calculation?
Anybody who's ever seen you could tell you're not obese fer cryin' out loud.

[bjarvis.livejournal.com]

Yeah, the basic BMI doesn't take into consideration a huge number of factors so I consider it to be a useless metric.

I can't see myself as 'obese.' Is there even a standardized medical agreement on what the term actually means? I'm suspicious there's a programming fault in the web app that rendered its inexpert judgement.

In any case, I'd be happier reducing my weight down to 175 lbs but I'm not going to lose sleep over it --especially since my life is apparently under threat because I don't get enough already.

[deege.livejournal.com]

Well, you're not going to lose weight by sleeping more. Sounds like a Catch 22. Better just go get a sundae and forget about the whole thing.

[bootedintexas.livejournal.com]

there are times when i see that "your perfect weight is 180 pounds" and say "i'll be happy at 200 and be confident that i am doing just fine"

it is my one issue with this "universal health ideal at workplaces" is that they are trying to force everyone into little boxes that supposedly is "the norm". As you said, everyone's body is different. and if your doctor is happy and you are happy...that is all that matters.

[guiser1.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear you're in such poor health.

Should you meet an untimely demise, I'm hoping you'd consider willing your husbands to me.

Respectfully,
Guiser

[bjarvis.livejournal.com]

Alas, my dear hubbies will likely be so distraught by my death that they will throw themselves upon my funeral pyre so that we can be together again in Valhalla, or something like that.

Would you settle for a checking account instead?

[guiser1.livejournal.com]

Yes, yes I would.

Still magnanimous, even in death.

We're all very proud.

[kent4str.livejournal.com]

Think again, bucko! How could we spend your insurance money if we were toasted?

[bjarvis.livejournal.com]

By leaving your vast insurance-obtained wealth to charity in your own wills?

[jss]

Whose checking account? And if yours, do you mean both dollars??

[bjarvis.livejournal.com]

Mine has more than a couple of dollars.

Or at least it was until I accidentally let cuyahogarvr and kent4str go shopping unescorted. Oh, up to the point when we started the bathroom renovation project. *sigh*

[jss]

Yeah, but USD sucks and CAD isn't that much better and you're not keeping your funds in EUR or JPY right now.

[bjarvis.livejournal.com]

My heirs will just have to get used to shopping domestic. I won't care... I'll be dead. :-)

[trawnapanda.livejournal.com]

and where can anyone in your neck of the woods "shop domestic" using Canadian Tire money?

enquiring minds need to know

[dr-scott.livejournal.com]

You think well of yourself, dontcha?

Looks bad for the upcoming visit, BTW -- someone's gone off the deep end, and I guess I'm letting him hang himself -- to mix metaphors.

[bjarvis.livejournal.com]

You think well of yourself, dontcha?

Well, they did say they love me. I'm just sayin' my demise would be a great opportunity for them to demonstrate it.

Looks bad for the upcoming visit, BTW -- someone's gone off the deep end, and I guess I'm letting him hang himself -- to mix metaphors.

Bugger. Hopefully, this will get worked out sooner rather than later but keep us posted!

[pklexton.livejournal.com]

Funny, I pictured you as taller than 5'10." We're the same height and, based on the pictures of yourself that you've posted, similar build (well, in my case, I'm flattering myself a teeny bit). I completely agree about those tables - they don't take into account differences in frame and musculature. I also think some people are "denser" (in a good way) than others - or maybe that just gets back to musculature. You're definitely not obese.

Then again, I am master at rationalizing myself into complacency.

I do believe in breakfast, though. And lots of sleep.

[bjarvis.livejournal.com]

We're the same height and, based on the pictures of yourself that you've posted, similar build (well, in my case, I'm flattering myself a teeny bit).

We'll just have to get naked and compare.

I do believe in breakfast, though. And lots of sleep.

Breakfast doesn't do much for me... I just can't persuade myself to eat that early in the day. Sleep, however, is something I can do at the drop of a hat.

[pklexton.livejournal.com]

We'll just have to get naked and compare.

I like the way you think.

Throw those surverys in the trash!

[scshagger48.livejournal.com]

I'm 5-10 and 188--people constantly ask me how I stay in such good shape for age 59--NOW--you tell me I'm obese ! LOL----and sleeping 8 hours--I've never slept more than 6 hours a night ---and if I do --I feel like a dead man all day! Like you said--our bodies are individual and we know what is best and feels best!