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bjarvisWhen my youngest sister Angela (aka "Six of Six") married four years ago, I was a little disappointed that she took her husband's last name. That's three for three among my sisters who have married (the 4th is probably a lesbian but she hasn't figured it out yet... we're still hopeful the light will go on eventually).
It's Angela's right to use whatever name she wishes and she has my complete support for taking Jeremy's family name. I recall feeling at the time though that I had failed somewhat as a big brother, that despite my best efforts to ensure she had options prior generations couldn't dream about, she still held to this seemingly dated tradition with overtones of subservience & transfer of property. Not that she --or any other woman in my family-- is subservient in any way: try ignoring her and you'll get your ass kicked. The naming thing just left me unsettled... I couldn't imagine giving away my family name for any other.
(I know of couples where one partner has changed their name to effectively disinherit an abusive biological family and/or past, but those situations don't apply in this particular case.)
Fast forward to last Friday's snail-mail delivery. Our mortgage company sent a regular piece of junk mail, attempting to sell us mortgage insurance to make payments on the house in case one of us was disabled or unemployed. I usually pitch these immediately as the premium is typically excessive and the terms are very restrictive, but this particular one hit that old familiar raw nerve.
The letter was addressed to "Kent & Brian Forrester" and makes several references to protecting the "Forrester family."
OK, this is just their brain-damaged mass-mailing program not able to deal with having both Kent and my names on the mortgage, and it was pure chance that Kent's name came up first rather than mine in their database. Still, it irks more than a little to have my name mangled by my mortgage company, even if only by junk mail.
It occurs to me now why Equifax listed "Brian Forrester" as an alias for me during a routine credit check some months ago. I fired off a stern letter to them at the time, denying I had ever used such a name, but I bet I know now where they got the info.
I'm overdue to call my parents and my grandmother. If I remember, I intend to ask them if they could redo their weddings again, being who they are now, would they take their husband's name again? I suspect they might, out of social convention. I do wonder what my nieces Kaylee or Ashley will say in another 20+ years or so. I'll have to ask when the time comes.
It's Angela's right to use whatever name she wishes and she has my complete support for taking Jeremy's family name. I recall feeling at the time though that I had failed somewhat as a big brother, that despite my best efforts to ensure she had options prior generations couldn't dream about, she still held to this seemingly dated tradition with overtones of subservience & transfer of property. Not that she --or any other woman in my family-- is subservient in any way: try ignoring her and you'll get your ass kicked. The naming thing just left me unsettled... I couldn't imagine giving away my family name for any other.
(I know of couples where one partner has changed their name to effectively disinherit an abusive biological family and/or past, but those situations don't apply in this particular case.)
Fast forward to last Friday's snail-mail delivery. Our mortgage company sent a regular piece of junk mail, attempting to sell us mortgage insurance to make payments on the house in case one of us was disabled or unemployed. I usually pitch these immediately as the premium is typically excessive and the terms are very restrictive, but this particular one hit that old familiar raw nerve.
The letter was addressed to "Kent & Brian Forrester" and makes several references to protecting the "Forrester family."
OK, this is just their brain-damaged mass-mailing program not able to deal with having both Kent and my names on the mortgage, and it was pure chance that Kent's name came up first rather than mine in their database. Still, it irks more than a little to have my name mangled by my mortgage company, even if only by junk mail.
It occurs to me now why Equifax listed "Brian Forrester" as an alias for me during a routine credit check some months ago. I fired off a stern letter to them at the time, denying I had ever used such a name, but I bet I know now where they got the info.
I'm overdue to call my parents and my grandmother. If I remember, I intend to ask them if they could redo their weddings again, being who they are now, would they take their husband's name again? I suspect they might, out of social convention. I do wonder what my nieces Kaylee or Ashley will say in another 20+ years or so. I'll have to ask when the time comes.
