Gym Trauma

[bjarvis]

Because of an exceptionally heavy work week and calling schedule, I've missed my regular gym visits most of the past week. I'm re-establishing my schedule by forcing myself to make the trip to my local LA Fitness this morning.

I'm still scrubbing my corneas.

Seriously, who wears leg warmers these days? Some cultural artifacts of the last century are best left there. I almost expected the guy to pull out a brick-sized mobile phone and make conversation about the Soviet threat.

And flourestcent orange sweatpants? With a lime green t-shirt? That was never in fashion. Never. It has always been a wardrobe mistake outside of a really bad drag show. An intervention is called for, but I was in the middle of my second set of crunches so I closed my eyes to shut out the visual, but too late! The image was seared into my retinas. I may need surgery. Perhaps another lobotomy.

Beyond that, the workout was largely as expected. Today is "leg day" for me and I was truly feeling it on the stairs as I left. Going down the stairs from the upper level weight area wasn't too difficult but the four steps up from the cardio floor to the lobby exit? I needed to use a handrail. When I got home, I stood on the sidewalk staring at the four steps of our walkway for 30 seconds before I could summon the courage to attempt scaling Mount House. I had half a mind to go back to my car to use the remote to open the garage door so I could just walk into the basement and flop in the computer bunker until I recovered.

The worst is behind me now. Well, at least until tomorrow morning when the delayed onset muscle soreness descends upon me like, um, well, some sort of painful descending thing. I'm too mentally & physically wiped right at the moment to compose suitable imagery. That, and traumatized by the gym fashion faux pas.

Next time, I'll wear blinders. Maybe welding goggles.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

It sounds like you are pushing it too hard. I'm afraid you will hurt yourself.

[excessor.livejournal.com]

I realize I could never get you to go to Palm Springs, but gym fashion is well worth the trip. Once at Gold's, a half dozen very much older men appeared, wearing terrycloth headbands and wristbands. Two were still wearing their hospital bracelets and three or four had huge bandages on the backs of their hands, presumably the site of some injection point.

There are porn stars at World Gym. One of the most handsome is a completely lovely looking man, but his balls are injected with enough saline that the massive bulge in his gym shorts is unmistakable from a considerable distance. As is the sound: “Does anyone else hear the ocean?” I have seen leg warmers, shredded shirts, way too much mesh, and of course, I have written in my own journal of a particular very well-built visitor whose fashion sense comes from a c 1988 International Male catalog.

Of course, we hardly notice.

[apparentparadox]

I think that wearing blinders is generally a good idea at the gym -- not for the fashion (lack of) sense, but for the way most folks "lift" weights. Their form is bad enough that I don't even notice what they're wearing. I like to play a game where I try to figure out what muscles would actually be targeted by the motions they perform.