My immediate family all decided long ago not to exchange gifts as it was too expensive. We're seeing a resurgence in our giving now, but only because gift cards are convenient to mail. There was no point in sending huge packages back and forth before. Now an small easily-sent gift card can be send for a few cents more than normal postage.
Before this, we all sent our parents gifts or money for them to buy stuff they wanted. We still do this by choice. My nieces and nephews were given gifts only by their parents and some money by Grandparents (my parents). Children gave only to their parents. There never was a sense of having to buy for absolutely everyone and there was always a sense of economy and fairness.
Before this, when we were all children together, it was simple too. Everyone had one main gift, whether purchased by multiple people pooling money or some other means, everything else was simply stocking stuffers and no-one complained. Besides economy there was also graciousness: your list might have been 3 or 4 items long, and you didn't expect everything, and you appreciated that you were thought of, not upset that you didn't get a lot.
There also wasn't this strange adult "preferred gift list" that I've seen in some families, with the expectation that most of it would be fulfilled, as a short list doesn't mean the price tags are affordable. I find it even stranger when a similar list is given to friends, even close ones. It's really nice that someone wants a plasma TV, but it's not coming from me. If a friend was getting a similar list from me, it would show how little I need tanglible items and how much more I valued that freindship.
Guilt is usually self-imposed, and incredibly stupid when it requires you to put yourself in debt to keep up with the rest of the family's expectations.
Over the years my card list is cut down to those who actually send cards AND engage in some sort of correspondence between each successive Christmas. My budget is set across the board, with few exceptions, those being my partner, my parents and anyone who helped me out tremendously that year. This last doesn't need to be celebrated at Christmastime but it usually works out that way. Also, the budget is more relaxed but not extravagant even in those cases, as it's the thought and feeling that count most and that is best expressed in special, not necessarily expensive, gift selection.
I still endure the stupidity of the shopping masses, but I tend to go into it better prepared than most, and can usually be finished before the rush really hits. That gives me several quiet evenings just to anticipate the event and not worry about all the self-punishing behavious others seem to endure for their fleeting "happiness."
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Date: 2006-12-22 10:04 am (UTC)Before this, we all sent our parents gifts or money for them to buy stuff they wanted. We still do this by choice. My nieces and nephews were given gifts only by their parents and some money by Grandparents (my parents). Children gave only to their parents. There never was a sense of having to buy for absolutely everyone and there was always a sense of economy and fairness.
Before this, when we were all children together, it was simple too. Everyone had one main gift, whether purchased by multiple people pooling money or some other means, everything else was simply stocking stuffers and no-one complained. Besides economy there was also graciousness: your list might have been 3 or 4 items long, and you didn't expect everything, and you appreciated that you were thought of, not upset that you didn't get a lot.
There also wasn't this strange adult "preferred gift list" that I've seen in some families, with the expectation that most of it would be fulfilled, as a short list doesn't mean the price tags are affordable. I find it even stranger when a similar list is given to friends, even close ones. It's really nice that someone wants a plasma TV, but it's not coming from me. If a friend was getting a similar list from me, it would show how little I need tanglible items and how much more I valued that freindship.
Guilt is usually self-imposed, and incredibly stupid when it requires you to put yourself in debt to keep up with the rest of the family's expectations.
Over the years my card list is cut down to those who actually send cards AND engage in some sort of correspondence between each successive Christmas. My budget is set across the board, with few exceptions, those being my partner, my parents and anyone who helped me out tremendously that year. This last doesn't need to be celebrated at Christmastime but it usually works out that way. Also, the budget is more relaxed but not extravagant even in those cases, as it's the thought and feeling that count most and that is best expressed in special, not necessarily expensive, gift selection.
I still endure the stupidity of the shopping masses, but I tend to go into it better prepared than most, and can usually be finished before the rush really hits. That gives me several quiet evenings just to anticipate the event and not worry about all the self-punishing behavious others seem to endure for their fleeting "happiness."