Gym Judginess

I try to be non-judgmental at the gym, but some days my resolve is weaker than circumstances require.

I've been going to the same LA Fitness for over three years, more than long enough to know the regulars and spot the newbies. I hardly notice the muscle-bound guys: I'm focused on my routines, they're focused entirely on theirs, and outside of a greeting glance or patiently waiting for equipment to be available, there's no interaction.

The newbies are easy to spot: they're unsure which equipment they should use next, how precisely to use something new, where to set the seat height, how much weight to configure, etc., not to mention the unspoken etiquette of the gym. They usually watch intently from the sides to see how a regular is using the equpiment then make their way over when the machine is free. I feel for them: it's a daunting environment but I'm so glad they found the courage to at least try. I sometimes offer to help, but I'm also sometimes wary that I might easily scare off the timid. And what they really need is a full workout plan in advance so they can use time on the floor to actually work out rather than mull over the finer points.

Every day, there are people with obvious weight issues feebly lifting weights lighter than my gym bag. My five-year-old self makes ugly jokes, but my mature self recognizes these are people who are working to improve their health and they are to be supported & helped, even if that support just means letting them alone to do their thing. When I started, I couldn't lift heavy either (some would say I still can't... it's relative). Everyone starts somewhere, and some have a longer road to walk than others. I respect their efforts, give them their space and, if we're working similar routines, ensure they get first right of refusal on any equipment I might want to use. And say hi should we make eye contact.

There are the fashion queens & failures. There are a handful with the latest day-glo branded fashions for the gym, always freshly pressed and fitted. There are also a bunch with either no sense of appropriate clothing for the gym or simply don't own any. Here's a hint: jeans and a polo shirt aren't good clothes to select for your workout.

There are the ultra shy folks. I can understand some people are so uptight about nudity (esp their own) that they want to change as quickly as possible and escape the locker room, but it's frankly wierd that anyone would go into the showers fully dressed, doubly so for going into the steam room. Who taught them to be so ashamed of their own body? It's time to unlearn that, whatever kind of body one has.

And then there are some particular characters at my gym...

There are the Smash Brothers. They either use equipment as props while they chat for hours or use the equipment so hard it breaks. These are the guys who load up a machine to a massive weight, push to their extreme, then simply drop the weight at peak, letting the weights fall to the floor or to the machine's rest state. "We're working to failure," they claim. Wrong: working to failure means to exert to the point where one can no longer complete a rep *with good form*. It does not mean complete loss of control. A loud clang or thud should only be heard in cases of medical emergency, not as part of one's regular workout. I ascribe much of the floor damage and out-of-order equpiment to these guys or people like them. They're the reason our gym fees go up.

There's Potion Guy. He brings a duffle bag of his personal workout equipment and a second duffle bag of various protein powders & supplements. He also maintains three lockers in the men's locker room, stuffed with equipment & supplies. He typically takes more than an hour and all counter space in the locker room to mix all of his supplements, drinks, slurries, cleanses and lord knows what else. In all these years, I've never actually seen him on the gym floor working out, just mixing in the locker room. I suspect that if I ever wanted some illicit performance-enhancing pharmaceuticals, he'd be the go-to guy. Now that I think of it, he's pretty chummy with the more muscular regulars...

And there's Kitten. I don't know his real name but he's mid-thirties, 5'4", nice build and totally adorable. I want to adopt him, he's just so precious!

MusclePuppy is also adorable. Again, about 5'4", tiny waist but broad shoulders giving him that classic V torso we'd all strive for if genetics allowed. MP is extremely sociable and says hi to everyone in the gym everytime he works out. He's also very, very christian so he tosses in a few blessings in his rounds. He does seem to be a geniunely nice guy and is easy on the eyes so I chat with him periodically because, yes, I'm that shallow.

And SuperModel. He's about 6'3", slim build, perhaps 5% body fat, thick black wavy hair always perfectly styled. If he doesn't work as a model, he should. SM has his particular supersets and well-defined routines, a mix of cardio and weight lifting. While I'm frequently frustrated by equipment left helter-skelter around the gym, I've come to recognize which are random distributions and which are merely waiting for SuperModel to make a return trip in the next part of his workout cycle. At least he does put his equipment back when he's done and doesn't get territorial about others using those pieces while he's in other parts of his superset.

There are many other special characters, more than I could write here. I'm glad though they're no wierder than they are.