Not Feeling It

I'm in a particularly strange state of mind right at the moment. It's the Christmas season, it's winter, I have a paid vacation day tomorrow... all social conventions indicate I'm supposed to be happy & filled with warm xmas cheer. But I'm really not.

Xmas is just feels like yet another artificial holiday larded up with external demands and social obligations.

Sure, it's nice that people are working a little harder on being nice to each other at this time of year, but why do we need a holiday to do that? Shouldn't we be doing that the other 364 days of the year too?

It's lovely that families get reacquainted during the holiday season. But do why do we need a calendar-based excuse to do that?

I do like the occasional xmas card in the mail but --and this is strictly my failing-- they're just a reminder to me of yet another social obligation: to send a card in return. Gift-giving for the nieces & nephew is made tolerable by the Internet, otherwise I'd just write off the entire damn exercise as too anxiety-ridden and logistically difficult to bear.

Even tomorrow's vacation day doesn't have the heft it used to since I work from home 80% of the time. Having a 30 second commute is nice but it's robbed the joy out of sleeping in on a weekday.

I'm not depressed in any way, just sort of blasé about the entire holiday season. There's no sadness or lack of sociability, just not the glad-tidings-to-all I remember from the days when I had significantly fewer responsibilities.

I think I need to go play with a litter of puppies or something.

Not Feeling It

I'm in a particularly strange state of mind right at the moment. It's the Christmas season, it's winter, I have a paid vacation day tomorrow... all social conventions indicate I'm supposed to be happy & filled with warm xmas cheer. But I'm really not.

Xmas is just feels like yet another artificial holiday larded up with external demands and social obligations.

Sure, it's nice that people are working a little harder on being nice to each other at this time of year, but why do we need a holiday to do that? Shouldn't we be doing that the other 364 days of the year too?

It's lovely that families get reacquainted during the holiday season. But do why do we need a calendar-based excuse to do that?

I do like the occasional xmas card in the mail but --and this is strictly my failing-- they're just a reminder to me of yet another social obligation: to send a card in return. Gift-giving for the nieces & nephew is made tolerable by the Internet, otherwise I'd just write off the entire damn exercise as too anxiety-ridden and logistically difficult to bear.

Even tomorrow's vacation day doesn't have the heft it used to since I work from home 80% of the time. Having a 30 second commute is nice but it's robbed the joy out of sleeping in on a weekday.

I'm not depressed in any way, just sort of blasé about the entire holiday season. There's no sadness or lack of sociability, just not the glad-tidings-to-all I remember from the days when I had significantly fewer responsibilities.

I think I need to go play with a litter of puppies or something.