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That was a Mistake
A grocery store very near my office sells boxes of four muffins baked in-house for $4. I usually pick up a box on a Monday or Tuesday to have something to snack on during the week.
Yesterday, in a fit of impulsiveness, I went for a mixed box: one each of blueberry, pumpkin, chocolate chip and bran muffins. I'm not generally a fan of bran muffins. When I was a kid living at home with the family, I baked frequently and Mom always asked me to make bran muffins, her favourite. By contrast, I always thought bran was just horsefeed with aspirations: tasteless fibre with nothing to recommend it except regularity. But since it's been a couple of decades since I had a bran muffin and I was in a carefree and reckless state of mind, I thought I'd give it a go, just in case my youthful self so long ago was in error.
Nope, I was right even then: bran is still just horsefeed with aspirations. Were it not for the few raisins baked in, there would have been no flavour at all.
Watch out! Who knows what wild & wacky impulsive things I might do next!
Yesterday, in a fit of impulsiveness, I went for a mixed box: one each of blueberry, pumpkin, chocolate chip and bran muffins. I'm not generally a fan of bran muffins. When I was a kid living at home with the family, I baked frequently and Mom always asked me to make bran muffins, her favourite. By contrast, I always thought bran was just horsefeed with aspirations: tasteless fibre with nothing to recommend it except regularity. But since it's been a couple of decades since I had a bran muffin and I was in a carefree and reckless state of mind, I thought I'd give it a go, just in case my youthful self so long ago was in error.
Nope, I was right even then: bran is still just horsefeed with aspirations. Were it not for the few raisins baked in, there would have been no flavour at all.
Watch out! Who knows what wild & wacky impulsive things I might do next!
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There are people who have all kinds of warm fuzzy memories about the stuff, and ads around the [alleged] comfort-food aspects of porridge. Even Starbucks is selling it now, having Da Noive to charge $3.75 per bowl.
I'm going to take
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I must be the only one.
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And it makes ya poop. At my age, that's pretty darned important.
(Oh ... and I did actually have one favorite brand of bran muffins that actually tasted good: McDonald's, who made a faboo apple bran muffin that was moist and apple-y and incredibly delicious. Of course, as soon as I decided to buy them five or six at a time to stash in the fridge for at-home breakfasts, McDonald's discontinued them. Bastards!)
take my wife ... please / and the bran muffins too....
The couple were 85 years old and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies.
Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade. One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.
They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet. They gasped in astonishment when he said, 'Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.'
The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. 'Why, nothing,' Peter replied, 'remember, this is your reward in Heaven.' The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth. 'What are the greens fees?,' grumbled the old man. 'This is heaven,' St. Peter replied. 'You can play for free, every day.'
Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages. 'Don't even ask,' said St. Peter to the man. This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.'
The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife. 'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods and the decaffeinated tea?,' he asked. That's the best part,' St. Peter replied. 'You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!'
The old man pushed, 'No gym to work out at?' 'Not unless you want to,' was the answer. 'No testing my sugar or blood pressure or...' 'Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself.'
The old man glared at his wife and said, 'You and your fucking bran muffins. We could have been here ten years ago!'