Ah, Toronto!

Mon, 09 Oct 2017 20:08:50 GMT

I flew into Buffalo, NY, last Wednesday to spend a few days in Toronto, ostensibly to see family at Thanksgiving and to ship home some personal items which were stored in my parents' basement until recently. It's been much more than that, of course.

I've walked a lot, seeing the same old sites I usually do when in town. I've frequently said I could walk through this city repeatedly until my feet bleed --and they did. The first full day, I logged well over 10 miles, from Pape & Danforth, west to Yonge & Bloor, south to the lakeshore, east a bit, then back north to Bloor again. It never gets old.

My feet were in severe pain Friday, but I went walking again, Pape & Danforth to Broadview, south to Gerrard, west to the downtown, all directions on various side streets, then south to Queen where I finally caved in and boarded a street car to Carlaw. I walked north back to my place from there.

Here, I feel lighter, faster, smarter, brighter & younger, more than anywhere else I've been except perhaps lower Manhattan. When I'm in Toronto, I really believe the sky is the limit and I can accomplish anything. There are no constraints, or at least nothing meaningful I couldn't overcome with a snap of my fingers. Everything is possible, all things are filled with potential, and nothing is beyond reach. Except returning here to live.

My biological family is in Canada, but my chosen family is in the DC area. Even if I could pry myself out of Silver Spring, I can't bring Kent & Michael back to Toronto. I can't bring the grandkids either. It wouldn't be fair of me to even try.

Whenever I cross the border into Canada no matter which province, I am seized by the feeling that my life in Canada is incomplete, an unfinished project. I don't know what my emotional self wants me to do, but it does distinctly shout that there is something urgent & large awaiting my attention where which has remained undone since I left in 1996. I am in Toronto and loving it, and yet am incomplete because I am in Toronto. I have no explanation.

At the moment, my only plan is to make more frequent trips back to Canada, maybe 3-4 times per year instead of annually. My grandma isnt' getting any younger, my parents are ailing, my aunts & uncles are fading away. There is so little time left before the generation before mine is gone and I must do what I can with the time that is left.

comments

Catching Up

Sun, 24 Jun 2012 01:48:34 GMT

The past week has been more than a bit of a blur.

A week ago Thursday, I learned my cousin, Josh, passed away in his sleep from a cerebral hemorrhage at age 22. On Saturday, kent4str and I called for the Chesapeake Squares at the annual Baltimore Pride parade, then he drove me directly to National Airport so I could fly to Buffalo, collect my rental car and head to Toronto.

On the whole, the trip was fast and efficient. Unlike the Budget office at SJC, the BUF office actually gave me a compact car as I had booked. It was a 2012 Volkswagen Jetta and it was a delight to drive: comfortable, fuel efficient, great acceleration and roomy.

I spent nearly all of Sunday with my grandmother and my aunt Kathy (Josh's mother) in Drumbo and Princeton, Ontario, about 90 minutes west of Toronto. It's probably the longest time I've spent with my grandmother in years and we had a delightful Sunday drive through the area, visiting cemetaries where our various ancestors are buried.

While that sounds a little morbid, it really wasn't: death is a part of life and it was a pleasant experience to visit the graves of my paternal grandparents, along with various other Jarvises in the Paris Plains Cemetary. As I commented at the time, it was the largest gathering of Jarvises I've attended in years, and nearly the quietest.

We also visited the Wolverton cemetary where grandma's late husband is buried. I asked why he was there in 1981 rather than anywhere else: after all, there are no other Mordens buried in that space. She just stated matter-of-factly that my uncle Dave (her son-in-law) noted at the time there were only four plots left and if she wanted them, she should sign on immediately. It's just a business transaction. In exactly the same neutral tone, she pointed out where she will be buried, along with Josh and Josh's mother, just as plainly as saying the grass is green and the sky is blue. Huh.

For the record, I confirmed on Wednesday my parents are to be buried in the Brentha Cemetary near the family farm in northern Ontario. My will also makes it clear I'm to be buried there. Don't try flinging my ashes into space or anything silly like that: have a party instead.

Sunday evening, we had dinner with Kathy and her fiance, Clayton. Many of Josh's friends dropped by to say hello. Apparently, Josh was the nexus of an extensive social network and his home was the place where many in this small town could hang out when desired. His loss is having more of an impact that I knew previously.

I spent the morning of Monday bumming around Toronto, site-seeing, shopping and visiting my old haunts. I miss that city. I spent the afternoon & evening visiting with my Dad at the home of my sister "3 of 6" while Mom was out with Grandma and Kathy. Again, it's probably the longest stretch I've spent alone with Dad in decades.

After his recent ostomy operation due to Crohn's Disease, he's recuperating nicely. He still doesn't have the energy he used to for endurance, but he's clear, articulate and in good spirits.

Tuesday was largely spent on my own and hanging out with my Toronto hosts John & Chris, indulging in some quiet and contemplative time.

On Wednesday, I packed everything and headed to Mississauga to collect Dad and we both drove out to Drumbo to rendez-vous with Mom and Grandma, had an early dinner and then headed to Woodstock for the first viewing (The second viewing was on Thursday and the formal funeral & internment on Friday but I couldn't stay in Canada for those events).

There was a steady stream of Josh's friends and co-workers from 7-9pm. For the most part, I sat with Dad and we continued various conversations from the prior day, both of us rising when summoned by Mom, Grandma or Kathy as needed for introductions or errands.

I'm happy to report Mom was distinctly non-sociopathic. I'm not sure if Dad's improved health has relieved her stress so she isn't wigging out in ugly, nearly violent anti-social behavior, the likes of which nearly had her removed from Dad's hospital by security only a month ago. It could also be that she's simply on her best behavior because she's in public: she has a talent for camouflaging her periodic bat-shit crazy behavior when required to charm strangers or avoid being called on her excesses by those she can't control (ie. Grandma, Kathy and me). In any case, we were fine the entire time and parted on good terms.

When the event was over, I drove Mom, Grandma and Dad back to Grandma's apartment, said my good-byes and headed for Buffalo. I had originally planned to travel early Thursday morning from Toronto for my 8:45am Buffalo-to-DC flight but decided at nearly the last minute that fighting my way through unpredictable morning traffic around the entire Golden Horseshoe area of southern Ontario then get my way through the border crossing was too much stress for a morning trip. Going to Buffalo Wednesday night and taking a cheap hotel room near the airport would provide more rest time. That was the theory, anyway.

Sure enough, I made good driving time to Buffalo and needed a half-hour to get through the processing queue at the border. While my Econo Lodge gave me an enormous suite for my single night's stay, the AC couldn't keep up with the near-record heat in a room that big so I got only three hours of sleep while baking & sweating in bed.

On the good side in the morning, however, I checked out of the hotel, packed the car, drove to the airport, dropped off the rental, checked in at US Airways, got through security and walked to my gate within 30 minutes. Total win.

The flight was uninteresting except for the misbehaving toddlers and overly-indulgent pseudo-parents in row 12, directly in front of me. Horrid. I'm so glad it was only a 50 minute flight.

Once back in DC, I took the subway home, rested a little, did some work and then headed downtown to call a Mainstream & Plus club night for the DC Lambda Squares.

I regret I couldn't spend an additional night or two in Canada. There are so many friends I would have liked to have seen, but my only free time was during the workday and even then, there were periods when I needed to be alone. I wasn't close to Josh so I'm still more than a bit surprised how painful his loss has been.

Friday was all work, including a site visit to the data center to collect equipment from Shipping and reboot some recalcitrant appliances.

Today was our day of good deeds. kent4str's mother is still in the rehab facility, getting physio for her minor stroke nine weeks ago. She's going to be released back into the wild shortly so the three of us descended on her & Dad's house in Mt Airy, MD, to scrub the place top to bottom and re-arrange furniture in the master bedroom for her easier access. We also fixed a minor problem with the central air conditioning condenser drain hose and generally tackled whatever project Ralph required. We were well fed as a reward. I'm looking forward to Zoe's return home.

comments

Off to Canada!

Thu, 12 Apr 2012 09:39:31 GMT

Early morning flights are a pain in the butt but it's a necessary evil. *sigh*

We're heading to southern Ontario this morning to celebrate my grandmother's 85th birthday in Drumbo, ON. Our little jaunt this morning will take us from home to BWI Airport, then a quick hop to Buffalo, NY, where we'll rent a car to drive across the border into Canada and to Toronto where we're staying with friends.

Planned side trips this weekend will also include a visit to my financial advisor, a meal at Swiss Chalet, a visit to the St Lawrence Market and at least one meal with the clan aside from Grandma's event. We may yet squeeze some other stuff into the schedule but this trip is primarily about family ~~until they drive me freaking nuts and we need to escape~~.

Pray for all involved.

comments

Are We Having Fun Yet?

Ah, Toronto!

Catching Up

Off to Canada!